Set in the lie of Sid’s illness track of Ziddi Dil Maane Na, Fiqr is an imaginary one shot that revolves explores Monami’s guilt and broken self when she realizes how brutally Sid’s lie had scarred Mrs. Batra’s heart and Karan’s growing concern and affection for Monami Tsunami who he did not even realize had started mattering to him so much.
“Tum chaho to main thodi der tumhare saath baith sakta hoon. Ruk sakta hoon.” Tumhare liye! His heart sank at the vulnerability that the woman in front of him was trying her hardest to conceal.
She moved her head to quickly wipe the tear before it could roll down her cheek. “I am fine.”
“Itna sab hone ke baad bhi jhooth bolne ki himmat hai? Wow -” His words died in the air just as soon as he realized that he wasn’t supposed to bring that up.
Dammit!
Watching her trying to stand up without uttering a word in response left him regretting letting that one statement escape his lips.
Kya zaroorat thi abhi bolne ki! Tu bhi na!
His narrowed gaze scrutinized her for a couple of moments to see her actually struggling to stand up. His eyes that fell to her leg caught her bandaged feet.
What the…
“Ruko.” He placed his hand on her shoulder, putting her struggle to a pause. “Ye kaise hua? Abhi thodi der pehle tak to thik –
F. Inwardly letting out a curse, he couldn’t decide if he was madder at the situation or himself.
Why did you have to blurt that out?
“Tumhe kaise pata?” She wasn’t planning to have any conversation with him had she not heard that from him. She hadn’t stepped out of her room for straight four hours and she had made it outside at a time when she knew nobody would be awake to spot her.
“Wo…”
Ab kya bolega? Jaldi soch kuch warna ye wo sawal puchegi jiska jawab to tu khud ab tak dhoond raha hai!
“You were spying on me?
“I was checking up on you might be a better way to say that.”
“And why exactly you thought of doing that?”
Fiqr ho rahi thi tumhari!
Darr lag raha tha tumhare liye.
Dekhna chaahta tha ke tum thik ho ya nahi!
Fiqr ho rahi tumhari, Monami!
Fiqr ho rahi tumhari, Monami!
“Sawal pehle maine pucha hai, Raani Sahiba!” Bending on his knee, his hand began to delicately examine her feet. “Ye… ye. Kaise?” Looking up, he waited for her to reveal.
“Accidentally stepped on the broken glass pieces. Few of them pierced in,” she said, not making a big deal about it, indifferent to the pain shooting in her feet.
The broken pieces of glass couldn’t hurt more than being the reason for someone’s broken trust and heart did. Drowned in her own guilt and suffering, she clearly missed the intense look of hurt that crossed his face.
“Did you deliberately hurt yourself?” His question was loud and clear, with him not allowing his concern to drip from his tone.
“No.”
“Main fir pooch raha hoon, did you deliberately do that? Did you?”
“No.”
Fir jhooth! He could see the truth of her lie in her downcast eyes and even though he really wanted to call her out for that stupidity, something didn’t let him do that!
Coming in sight of the fresh stream of tears flowing from her eyes had him suppress the urge to say even a word that might upset her more than she already was.
Pata nahi ye ladki aur kya kya karwayegj! Heaving a sigh, he settled beside her, ensuring more than enough distance.
“Maine jhooth nahi bola,” she murmured, her head hung down in shame. Despite knowing that he wasn’t going to believe her, she still found herself willing to let him know her truth.
“Main jaanta hoon.”
Visibly shocked, she looked at him. His hand was holding his handkerchief in front of her. Seeing the shock in her eyes not fading, he shifted closer.
He slowly navigated his hand to her tear-stricken cheek. “Main sab jaanta hoon, Rani Sahiba. Maine tumhari aur Sid ki baatein sun li thi. Willingly or unwillingly, you did participate in his lie. Iss ek jhooth ke wajah se Ma’am…”
“I know, her anger is justified. She is right in her place. I am at fault and I must pay for that lie.” She turned her face away, going out of reach of his hand. “I can’t face anyone. I am sick of myself. Agar mujhe pehle pata hota unke bete ke baare me,” she instantly grabbed his hand, “yakeen karo, main kabhi iss jhooth ko itna aage nahi badhne deti.”
She desperately held onto his hand, earnestly urging him to trust her. With the lie about Sid’s health coming out, most of the people in the academy had abandoned her, and rightfully so. She deserved it, she believed but as he came out looking for her, she longed to hear from him that he didn’t hate her like everyone else did.
His other hand involuntarily reached out for hers. “Mujhe yakeen hai, aur sab samjhenge. Ma’am bhi!”
“Aur wo nahi samjhe to?”
“Main samjhaunga. Kisi ko tumse nafrat nahi karne dunga.”
“Sach bol rahe ho?”
“Sach bol raha hoon.”
His eyes poured into hers, with her hands into his as he dusted off his softest tone that he hadn’t used for years to assure her agonized self.
“Raat kaafi ho gayi hain. Main chalta hoon. Tum bhi so jao. Room tak saath aau?” Rising to his feet, he forwarded his hand to her but upon being greeted with her silence, his hand slowly slipped to his side.
For a long while, she just quietly stared at him and he… let her.
No questions. No arguments. No reasoning. Nothing.
“Main thodi der aur rokungi to rukoge?”
“Try karke dekh lo.”
“Ruk jao, please.”
And he was back to his place, right beside her, just as soon as her words reached his ears. Letting go of everything that was restraining him, he didn’t allow anything to create space between them.
At that moment, all that he knew and cared about was the woman beside him. If she needed him to stay, he would. If she needed him to talk, he would.
He would do anything and everything that she would need him to do for he had no idea why and how, but the woman mattered to him a lot more than he could ever let her see. He didn’t have an answer to why she did but the fact stayed that she did!
Monami Tsunami absolutely and undeniably mattered to Karan Shergill just enough for him to lose his sanity to see her breaking down.
Drama – Ziddi Dil Maane Na
Thank you for reading. Do drop by your comments if you have any. I had written this way before Sid’s truth was out so this was kind of how I saw it unfolding in my imagination before it was played in the show.