Shishta – I Need You – Thipkyanchi Rangoli

This is a one shot – a piece of fanfiction – written on the characters, Shashank and Apurva from the show named Thipkyanchi Rangoli that airs on Star Pravah from Monday to Saturday at 10 p.m.

Before you read – Here – Apurva does leave after Shashank misunderstands her upon overhearing her conversation with the Kukki Gang about how she is going to just pretend to study.
The translations are in the brackets following the dialogues. 

Chuktoy ka mi Apurva la samajnyat? 

He tossed on the couch for yet another time as sleep abandoned him like never before. His mind had been playing the recent incidents on loop ever since Apurva left the house with tears in her eyes. 

The eyes that he wished to see and keep only twinkling had cried. What sucked the most was that he had made them cry! 

The blanket that was at his feet fell down as he turned on his side. Pulling himself into a sitting position, he reached out for the blanket and couldn’t fight the small smile that automatically crept over his lips as he reminisced the time when she had brought that blanket for him when he had slept outside.

Kadhi kadhi itki changli watate hi. Jagat sarvat changli… pan kadhi kadhi… kalayala kahi marg nahi ki itkya nishthoor pane hi kashi kaay wagu shakte Netra shi? Wagu… shakte ka? Kasa kaay mazya velecha and abhasacha asa apmaan karu shakte? Karu… shakte ka?
(At times, she seems so nice. The nicest one in the whole world… but at times… I just cannot fathom how she could be so ruthless to Netra? Could she be? How could she disrespect my time and dedication like that? Could she?)

Ugh. He grabbed the pillow and slammed it on his face. 

Tu jar ekda tichya dolyat baghitla astas na… tar tula fakt aani fakt tuzyasathi prem disla asta. (Had you looked into her eyes even once… all that you would have seen is love and just love for you in them.)

Sumi’s words rang in his ears and he couldn’t help but wonder if he overreacted. 

When he is teaching me… I just cannot look at anything else. 

He pinched the skin between his eyes, analyzing the situation, her words, and his reaction again and again. Again and again.

When he is teaching me… I just cannot look at anything else. 

Did she mean to say that his presence was way too distracting for her to focus on anything else?
Did she mean to say that her eyes had grown a bit too fond of him to behold anything else in them when he was around?
Did she mean to say that she had fallen for – 

He halted his thoughts. The mere possibility that he had left incomplete in his mind unsettled him. 

I did not push Netra Tai, Khadoos. I swear on Baba.
She is lying to you. She is instigating you against me.
Trust me, Khadoos.
Trust me.

Chuktoy ka mi Apurva la samajnyat? He banged his head against the headboard when the series of thoughts clouded his mind, making him question his judgment.

*

“Get the heck out of here right at this instant if you don’t want me to call the cops.” Anjali Vartak’s voice boomed in the Varak Mansion as she refused to let Shashank take even a step inside. 

“I need to talk to Apurva and I am going nowhere without my wife so, please… Call Apurva,” Shashank urged, keeping his tone as mild as possible as if willing to avoid any confrontation with Anjali at the moment.

His priority stayed Apurva, which made sure that his attention wouldn’t get diverted by anything or anyone.

“Wife? The wife that you’re ashamed to have, right? The wife that you can never love, right? The wife who is cruel enough to push someone down the stairs, right? That wife, no?” Anjali gritted her teeth as fighting the urge to slam the door shut on his face became a real struggle. 

Shashank clenched his fist when his own words returned to swallow him alive. 

The past several days had been stressful for him. He had gotten no time and willingness to spend even a minute doing anything that wasn’t absolutely urgent or necessary. It had been a while since he had cut his nails. 

He stood visibly unaffected when his nails pierced his skin as he refused to loosen his tightly clenched fists. Almost as if punishing himself for the pain that he had put his wife through. Though he was sure that… his pain was insignificant compared to her pain but he wanted to put himself through it anyway. 

Taking a moment to shut his eyes and make sure that his control wouldn’t see a crack, he repeated himself, and this time, in what sounded like a pleading tone, “Call Apurva. I want to talk to her. Please.“

“Ah, but guess what?” Anjali mocked, forcing a grin, “she does not. She… does not want to talk to you so… just leave, alright? Don’t annoy me and don’t make me do something that you’ll not like.”

“You can do whatever you want to do but I am not leaving until I see Apurva,” he reaffirmed himself and stepped back. 

His longing gaze desperately kept looking behind Anjali, hoping for a glimpse of Apurva but she was nowhere in his sight. 

Disheartened, he pulled himself several steps away from the Vartak Mansion after Anjali slammed the door shut while murmuring insults that were audible to him but he couldn’t take offense for he believed that he deserved what he was receiving.  The hatred.

The world’s hatred had seldom bothered him but Apurva’s absence was driving him insane far too brutally than he had ever imagined it to do.

It had been the whole seventy-two hours since he had looked into her eyes that he couldn’t stand pouring down. 

The whole seventy-two hours since he had heard her voice that used to irritate him once but now had become his favorite melody to listen to.
The whole seventy-two hours since she had left.
The whole seventy-two hours since he had let her go.
Seventy-two hours.

A lot of time for introspection! 

His chain of thoughts came to an abrupt halt when something fell near his feet. 

A comb? He looked at it for a moment before his head instantly elevated as he recognized to whom that comb belonged.

He looked up and caught her standing in her balcony. His hand rose to wave at her but the moment he did that, she turned her face away. 

The small smile that had lit up his face that had lost its glow after he lost her faded right when she looked away. His hand slowly fell back to his side and his gaze found the sight of her comb again. 

He bent to pick it up and looked up again only to find an empty balcony. His heart sank, realizing that she wouldn’t probably allow him her glimpse again.

His fingers gently caressed the comb, letting his emotions find an outlet to express themselves. A tear trickled down his cheek when his attempt to seek comfort in her things took him back to the moment when he had abandoned her and forced her to seek comfort in his T-shirt. 

Is this how she must have felt? So heartbroken, lost, and uneasy? He questioned himself but he didn’t have the guts to stand on the receiving end of the answer.

Lifting the comb to his face, he rested his forehead on it. Will you never come back to me? Will you… never, Apurva? A couple of more teardrops escaped his eyes, wetting the comb. 

He didn’t intend to end up being so vulnerable there but one glimpse of her and holding her comb were all that it took for his heart to weep like never before.

Alarmed, he quickly wiped his tears when someone’s footsteps fell into his ears. Must be Dr. Anjali Vartak. He braced himself for yet another round of humiliation. 

Inhaling a sharp breath, he tightened his hold on the comb before turning around. His eyes were still moist when he stood there to relentlessly convince Anjali to let him meet Apurva but to his absolute surprise, it wasn’t Dr. Anjali but Mrs. Apurva Vartak Kanitkar standing right in front of him.

Clad in blue nightwear and hair tied in a loose bun, she stood there with her hands folded across her chest and eyes fixed on the ground. 

The flood of mixed emotions threatened to overwhelm him when his gaze caught the sight of her puffy eyes and the dark circles beneath them. 

Dammit! She had been crying. 

He let the guilt consume him as he landed in deep distress upon realizing that she probably hadn’t had a proper sleep for even an hour or two in the past seventy-two hours. Ever since she left her house. Ever since she returned to her father’s house that still stayed hers but her heart now belonged to the house that she had been forced to leave. 

His heart skipped a beat when she momentarily looked up. Everything began to suffocate him when the eyes that used to shine so bright once held no emotions in them. The void that he saw in her eyes that night wasn’t going to let him sleep for several coming nights.

His gaze traveled to her ears and he had no idea if he was supposed to smile or cry. Finding her ears adorned with the earrings that he had gifted her twisted something sharply in his heart. 

She was missing him. She must have worn those earrings to feel his presence around. He was sure that if he were to walk into her room at that time, he would find his T-shirt on her bed and that made everything a lot worse. 

“Apurva, I -” 

He had just summoned the courage to open his mouth when she lifted her palm in the air. A clear indication for him to know that she wasn’t willing to hear anything from him. 

She covered the distance between them and extended her hand in front of him. 

His lips curled up in a smile as he gazed at her hand and took no time to place his own hand on hers. 

His happiness was short-lived. Within moments, his hand was jerked off, plastering shock on his face. He followed her gaze that was staring at her comb that he was still holding with his other hand. 

His head fell down for a moment before he quietly placed the comb on her hand. The moment her comb was with her, she turned back on her feet. 

Before she could disappear from his sight, he rushed forward to grip her wrist. “Please… ekda aikun ghe mala kaay mhanaycha aahe!” (“Please… listen to what I have to say once!”) 

One more jerk and her hand was out of his grip. She continued to walk, ignoring his presence.  

He followed her and stopped her by her wrist again. “Apurva…please!” 

His every grip had been intentionally loose enough to need only a small effort from her side to get out of it. She pulled her hand back to herself and continued walking forward.

She had almost reached the main gate when he slipped his hand around her waist and twirled to pull her away from the door. His back hit the wall while her head fell to his shoulder. 

Her hair strands danced on his cheeks as her bun fell open. She pulled her head up from his shoulder only to find his eyes already staring at her. 

She caught a thin layer of tears in them which made her instantly avert her gaze from them, not willing to let them make her fall weak in front of him. 

He quickly let her go. “Sorry… sorry… I just… mala bolaycha aahe!” (“Sorry… sorry… I just… I need to talk!”)

“Mi khotardi aahe. Tuza mazyavar prem nahi. Tu mazyavar kadhi prem karu shaknar nahi. Mi tuzi baayko aslyachi tula laaj watate. Ya vyatirikta kahi bolaycha aahe?” (“I am a liar. You don’t love me. You will never love me. You are ashamed to have me as your wife. Anything other than this?”)

His hand that was behind his back balled up in a fist as he slammed it against the wall behind when neither his ears nor his heart could stand the words that he himself had uttered once. 

The poisonous words grabbed him to drown him in their poison and he made no attempt to get out of it.

“Apurva… mi chuklo. Mala maaf karshil?” (“Apurva… I was wrong. Will you forgive me?”)

She let out a bitter chuckle, pulling herself another step backward. Away from him. “Mi kashala maaf karayala havay? Tu mala ka sorry mhantoys? Netra Tai la mhan. Tila khup traas zalaay na mazyamule aani tila traas zala mhanje tula traas honarach. Nahi? Ja tu. Tichykade ja aani tila sorry mhan!” (“Why do you need me to forgive you? Why are you saying sorry to me? Say sorry to Netra Tai. She had to bear a lot of trouble because of me, no? And if she got troubled… so must have been you, no? Go… go to her and say sorry to her!”) 

He did not dare lift his gaze that stayed glued to her feet. Opening his fist, he slapped his hand against the wall, swallowing her words quietly but unwillingly. 

He no longer had the right to refuse to stand getting linked to Netra. He himself had dragged her to the cliff of insecurities. He himself had made her climb on the mountain of false narratives. He himself had made her feel that Netra was more important to him than her.

He himself had made her feel that… he would choose Netra over her because he had. Because he had chosen to trust Netra over her. 

He had made a choice not to trust his wife and that choice had brought its repercussions along that he could not run away from. 

“Mala jila sorry mhanaycha aahe… jichi maafi magaychi aahe… ti mazya samor ubhi aahe. Apurva, mala mahiti aahe… mala maaf karna tuzyasathi avghad aahe,” he paused to look at her for a second and caught the familiar expression, “avghad mhanje difficult. Mhanun mi tula mala maaf kar nahi mhatla. Mala maaf karshil ka – he bollo.”
(“The one who I want to say sorry to… who I want to apologize to… is standing in front of me. Apurva, I know… I know, it’s tough for you to forgive me. Why I did not ask you to forgive me! I asked if you will forgive me!”)

“Nahi kela tar? Netra Tai kade jashil?” She raised a brow. “Ja na mag. Mi tech tar mhantey. Ka ithe time waste kartoy? Ja. Ja tu. Netra Tai kade ja. Paay bara zala mhanun kaay zala. Ti vaat baghat asel tuzi. Tila aawadto na tu. Tula hi tich aawadte na. Ja. Mast enjoy kar tichyasobat. Aata ya Apurva Vartak cha tumhala kadhihi… kadhihi traas honar nahi!”
(“What if I don’t? You’ll go to Netra Tai? Go. That’s what I am saying. Why are you wasting your time here? Go… go to Netra Tai. So what if her leg has recovered? She must be waiting for you. She likes you, no? And you… also like her only! Enjoy with her. From now onwards, this Apurva Vartak won’t cause you two any trouble. She never will.”)

“Apurva Vartak Kanitkar,” he corrected in a faint voice that still held the needed determination that he had to convey. “Aani mala kon aawadte he tulahi changlach mahiti aahe.” He finally let his gaze meet hers as he allowed her to hear his indirect confession. (Apurva Vartak Kanitkar… and even you know very well who I like!)

The sincerity in his voice and the honesty in his eyes made a deep crack in the mask of indifference that she was wearing. For a long moment, she couldn’t bring herself to look away.

I can never love someone like you.
You are a liar.
I am ashamed to have you as my wife.

Holding the cracked pieces of her mask together with the glue of the hurt that his words had brought to her, she turned around. 

He doesn’t love you, Appu. He will never love you. She reminded herself before she forced her feet to take her away from him as fast as they could. 

Defeated, he knew that he did not have a right to stop her. The most that he could do was urge and request her to give him a chance but if she wasn’t willing to, he knew that he deserved what he was getting.  

A sudden noise that filled Apurva’s ears brought her feet to an instant halt. Fear gripped her heart as she struggled for a moment to look at what had happened.

“Khadoos,” she murmured in a daze when she turned around and caught him clutching his head with one hand while his other hand seemed to be searching for some support to hold on to. She watched him blinking numerous times and she knew what was happening. “Khadoos!” She yelled before the comb slipped out of her hand as rushed to him.

“Khadoos… Khadoos… are you okay?” She was quick to slip her hand around his shoulder to hold him. She glanced at the broken flower pot on the ground before looking back at him. 

“I am….fine, Apurva. Don’t… don’t worry. It’s just -“

“Migraine, I know,” she completed his statement while taking a moment to pull herself together, “come with me.” She intertwined their fingers before making him walk with her. 

His vision was an absolute mess. The one that he had always hated. One of the things that he had been persistently whining about for the past year was his migraine. Headaches weren’t bothersome but the aura sucked. It had been quite a while since he had a migraine attack last. 

He had almost forgotten that migraine was that uninvited guest who would always visit him when it shouldn’t but for a change, he silently thanked the guest who he absolutely loathed otherwise. It was because of that guest that she was standing beside him. And he couldn’t be more ecstatic. 

Anjali’s blazing eyes glared at Shashank before she darted a glance at Apurva. “What’s happening?” She dropped her phone on the couch as she advanced toward them. “And you… I just kicked you out, didn’t I? How dare you try to manipulate my daughter again?”

Shashank’s hold on Apurva’s hand tightened as the loud screeching voice of Anjali began to make his migraine worse.

Apurva’s gaze fell to their hands for a moment before she continued to walk inside with Shashank, ignoring Anjali like she did not even exist there at that moment. 

Anjali grabbed her arm, stopping the duo in their tracks. “I am asking something. Don’t you have some self-respect? You guys don’t even tell me anything. I would have never known what an MCP your husband is… had I not overheard your and Kaushik’s conversation. Kiti bol laay to tula aani tarihi… tarihi he… You have lost your sanity by staying with these hypocrite Kanitkars.” (“He has said so many things to you and still… and still…”)

Apurva pressed her ear with her index finger, visibly annoyed. She sucked in a sharp breath. “Mala bol laay na to? Maza navra aahe na? Mi baghun gheil. In the first place, I haven’t given you a right to speak in between me and my husband so… stay out of it, Dr. Anjali Vartak, alright? Stay… out of it,” Apurva warned before she made her way to her room with Shashank who was too astonished to react. (“He has said things to me, no? He is my husband, no? I’ll see to it.”)

Even after all that he did to her, she was still fighting with her mother… for him. Even after all that he did to her, she still couldn’t stand anyone saying anything to him. With every passing moment that he was spending with her, the ocean of guilt was pulling him in deeper and deeper.

How did he end up hurting someone like her so much? How could he let anyone blind him enough to not let him see her truth? How?

His silent monologue came to an end when she pushed the door of her room open and helped him to lay down on her bed. 

After adjusting the pillows under his head, she turned off the lights and reached the side table to get him some water. She sighed, looking at the empty jug. 

“I’ll get you some water,” she said, lifting the jug. 

“Apurva!” He held her hand, stopping her at her place.  

She squeezed her eyes shut when his fingers curled around her wrist. Why did he have to make things so difficult for her? 

“Leave my hand,” she said but it no longer had the same strong emotions. Her tone had softened and he wondered if it was only because he wasn’t well at that moment. 

He pulled himself into a sitting position, still not letting go of her hand as if afraid that even if he let it go for a second, she would disappear from his sight. “You hate me, don’t you?” He tilted his head to steal a glimpse at her face but she stood, unfazed. 

“I shouldn’t?”

Even if he had expected her to say yes, hearing it from her broke something within him. “You should. I deserve it.” He loosened his hold around her wrist before completely withdrawing it and the moment he did that, she felt a part of her leaving her. 

His mere touch had calmed her heart that had been restless ever since she had left him. Despite knowing that nothing that he would say would make her forget the words that he had said to her, there was a strange comfort that his presence and hold brought to her. She couldn’t deny that no matter how desperately she wanted to.

Getting a grip on her emotions when he was around was becoming tougher than she had imagined it to be. She shut her eyes for a brief moment before dragging herself out of the room.

His head fell down as he hid his face in his palms. “I am sorry, Apurva… I am sorry. I know… I know that I have scarred your heart far too brutally to ask for a chance to redeem myself but I can’t… I can’t let you go, Apurva,” he murmured, resting his head against the headboard, “I can’t let you go.”

She was back with water within minutes. Quickly pouring it into a glass, she held it in front of him. “Here… drink.”

“I am fine, Apurva. I am used to this. I know how to handle myself,” he said, not liking how worked up she had got for him.

“Yeah, I saw that!” 

Her one glare was enough for him to know that he stood no chance in front of her. He quietly took the glass from her and sipped on the water, not willing to make her mad. 

“When did you eat last?” she asked, pulling a chair near the bed for herself. 

His lips stilled on the glass for a moment or two before his hand rose to adjust his glasses. “Erm…”

“When did you eat last, Khadoos?” She emphasized his name, giving away that she was going to keep no patience with him. Not anymore. 

“I think yesterday…. afternoon, probably,” he said, after spending several long moments recalling. 

Her hand that stayed in her lap involuntarily clenched in a fist when she glanced at the clock striking 9.50 p.m.

He hadn’t eaten for more than a whole freaking twenty-four hours. Explains why the migraine has knocked on his head. She swallowed her rage, suppressing the urge to yell, and wordlessly left the room. 

“Apurva… Apurva…” He kept calling for her even after she disappeared from his sight but all in vain. She did not return. 

He vigorously rubbed his forehead which had begun to ache by then. The awful patterns that he was seeing were the same ones that always left him uncomfortable but that night, his mind was too distracted to feel the discomfort that they were forcing him to feel.

He shut his eyes, desperately trying to make his mind paint her image in front of his eyes. He put in all the efforts that he could to look for her smiling face in between those zigzag lines dancing before his eyes.

Khadoos, I did not push Netra Taai, trust me.
Khadoos, I did not change the mattress, trust me.
Khadoos, I did not do anything, trust me.
Trust me.

His eyes snapped open as those traumatizing flashes returned to haunt him. Her words had not left him alone for the past seventy-two hours. They went with him everywhere he went. Ever since he stood in front of the mirror of the truth! 

‘You kept saying that you had zero involvement in Netra’s injury and I kept accusing you that you did. You kept asking me to trust you and I kept doubting you. You kept trying to talk to me and I kept taunting you. You have every right to refuse to accept my apology, Apurva but I will try till the very end. I am not going to force you to forgive me but you will see my head hung down in front of you till the time I make you see that my remorse is genuine, my guilt is real and my sorry… honest.’ 

Her footsteps interrupted his silent confession. He watched her walking in with what seemed like a dinner plate. 

“I am fine. I don’t want to eat,” he quickly said, looking at the food that she had brought. It didn’t strike him earlier that she had gone to bring something to eat for him or else he wouldn’t have let her go in the first place.

“Of course. You must be needing Netra Tai to feed you, no? My bad. I will take this back. You go to her place and eat peacefully with her. Cool?” She got up from the chair that she had just sat on and turned to leave when his fingers held the hem of her top. 

Tilting her head, she darted a glance at him. His face had almost paled at Netra’s mention. 

He stared at her with his saddened orbs. “The only woman who I want and would allow to feed me apart from my mothers is… you, Apurva.”

“Really?” She raised a brow, pretending to be incredibly surprised before she laughed. “Sorry… don’t mind. I am just wondering why you would give so much importance to a liar and loser like me!”

“APURVA!” He yelled, getting sucked into the emotions. Dammit. He was quick to realize that he did not get to shout no matter what she said. 

He let out a deep sigh before he pulled her hand to turn her to face him. Taking the plate from her hand, he kept it aside on the bed. His palms reached out for her hands. Holding them in a delicate hold, he made her sit back on the chair. 

She was clueless why she allowed him to do that but she… just did. She knew that she was supposed to resist but something did not let her. Perhaps, it was his shaking hands. Perhaps, it was the helplessness in his orbs. Perhaps, it was… just him. 

She couldn’t precisely pinpoint what it was but her heart did not let her resist. 

He made sure not to avert his gaze from her even though his guilt was making him struggle to meet her gaze. His thumb gently rubbed her knuckles. “You are not a liar and definitely not a loser. If someone is… then it is me. Only a loser can do what I did to you.”

He could no longer look into her eyes that were staring at him with the same vulnerability that he had witnessed when she was urging him to trust her. 

She was forced to step out of the moment that she was lost in when he looked down. That was when she realized that her foolish heart had been intently listening to him the same way it would listen to his songs. Allowing his voice and words to hypnotize her.

Ugh. She wasn’t supposed to do that. She pushed the chair backward by her feet before stepping down. 

She pulled her hands back to herself and pushed the plate toward him. “Eat and leave once your vision feels normal. Everyone must be waiting for you!” 

She walked to the side table to refill the glass when his words froze her hand that was pouring down the water from the jug in the glass. 

“Nobody talks to me anymore! Not even Dada!”

She blinked before putting the jug on the table but her fingers stayed curled around its handle as his words unsettled her. She needed a moment to conceal that she was affected. 

Ideally, she wasn’t supposed to feel bad for the person who had made her feel bad about herself not once but numerous times but her heart – but her foolish heart stayed a rebel like always. Like always. When had it listened to her before to listen to her now? 

The disturbance on his face grew intense as he recalled the last conversation that he had with Dada. 

“Dada…” His hesitant whisper somehow summoned the courage to escape his lips. 

He stood several steps away from Dada whose back was facing him on the terrace. It was past midnight and Apurva’s absence had got his heart a bit too unsettled to let him sleep.

He had walked to the terrace, hoping that standing under the sky might help him calm his distressed heart when he caught Dada-Kaka’s sight. 

He was sure that Apurva’s decision had upset Dada-Kaka. He began walking toward him and stopped when he was a couple of steps away. “Nobody seems to understand me but I am sure, you do… like always,” he said but received no response from Dada-Kaka. 

Dada-Kaka’s silence was strangely unnerving. He hadn’t expected it to knock on his door. 

As anxiety seeped in, he almost rushed forward and stood beside Dada-Kaka. A strange fear had gripped his heart and all that he could desperately wish for was for it to be a false fear. 

But the moment he looked at Dada-Kaka’s poker face, he knew that he was losing it all. He had already lost Apurva and now… it seemed like he was losing his entire family. 

“Dada… tumhala hi wat-tey ki mi chukto aahe?” (“Dada… do you also feel that I am wrong?”)

“Ha prashna nirarthak aahe. Tu chukla aahes, Shashank.” (“That’s a pointless question. You ARE wrong.”)

“Pan Dada… Apurva -” (“But Dada… Apurva -”)

“Apurva kaay? Tine Netra la dhakal-lay? Ti khota bolali? Kaay? Kaay Apurva kaay? Shashank, Netra la ya gharat rahu denyacha nirnay maza hota pan to nirnay mi gheu shaklo karan maza tuzyavar purna vishwas hota. Mala watla hota ki tu sagla sambhalu shakshil pan paristhitinna sambhalaycha sodun tu tyant adkat gelas. Baherchya lokanchya chukankade durlaksh karun aaplya mansana sambhalaycha sodun tu tya chukanvar vishwas theun swata chuka karat gelas. Shashank… aaplya bayko cha maan… tichi pratishtha japna he pratyek navryacha kartavya asta. Natyachya ya mahattvachya parikshet tu pass nahi hou shaklas. Tu Apurva la dukhvun mala dukhavla aahe aani tumchya naatyala harvun… mala harvala aahe!” 

(“Apurva what? She pushed Netra? She lied? What? Apurva what, Shashank? It was my decision to let Netra stay here but I could take that decision because I had faith in you. I thought that you will be able to handle everything but instead of taking care of the situations… you kept letting them trap you. Instead of ignoring the mistakes of outsiders and taking care of your people – you kept making mistakes by trusting those mistakes. Shashank… it’s every husband’s responsibility to protect his wife’s respect and dignity. You couldn’t pass this important relationship exam. By hurting Apurva… you have hurt me and by defeating your relationship… you’ve defeated me.”)

Those were the last words that he had heard from Dada-Kaka. That night, when he stared at the retreating back of Dada-Kaka, his whole body seemed to have frozen.

He couldn’t move an inch. That night, he had stood on the terrace for hours.
For hours. 

Recalling the awful situations that had knocked on the door of his and Apurva’s relationship.
Recalling how he handled those situations.
Recalling every single word that he had ended up saying to Apurva while handling those situations.
For hours. 

“Khadoos…”

Her voice brought him out of the moments that he was reliving. Confused, he raised a brow when he looked at the handkerchief that she was holding in front of him.

She gave him a long stare before she dropped the handkerchief on the bed, stepped forward, and pressed her palms on his cheeks, wiping the tears that escaped his eyes with her thumbs.

It was then he realized that he had been crying. He was so consumed by the moment that he was thinking about that he had no realization when his eyes moistened and a stream of tears rolled down his cheeks. 

He looked at her hands scooping his cheeks in them before he lifted his gaze at her. Her orbs held what he hadn’t expected to come across. Deep anguish. 

Her eyes had always been the transparent window to her heart. He wasn’t quite sure if her eyes spoke to everyone the way they spoke to him. 

Her heart ached to see his pain and she could not hide it from him. 

She wasn’t prepared to bear what he had just revealed but she had to, nonetheless. Swallowing the lump clogging her throat, she wiped his cheeks dry for yet another time before settling on the bed across from him.

Picking the plate, she placed it between them. Breaking a small piece of roti, she dipped it in the dal. 

She lifted the morsel to his mouth. 

Emotionally too exhausted to resist, he quietly had it. One after the other – she kept feeding and he kept eating like an obedient child. 

“What is it?” she asked when he held her hand that was about to put yet another morsel in his mouth.

“Did you eat?” 

Oh, so it was that! She gave him a nod. “What did you think? I was going to abandon food and sleep because of you? In your dreams, Khadoos! I ate and I ate a lot. Now stop thinking about stupid things and just eat, okay?” 

A part of him was relieved that she had not skipped her meals.

“Appu… Appu Bala, thodasa khaun ghe na. Sakal pasun kahich khalla nahi -” Sarika’s words died in the air as she reached the open door of Apurva’s room and her eyes caught the sight at the front. “Shashank,” she murmured, giving him a small smile. She was quick to realize that she needed to leave and she did so, wordlessly. 

Atti pan na! Apurva turned her head aside, shutting her eyes. She had been so awfully exposed that she had no idea how to escape his confronting gaze that she was sure was glaring at her at the moment. 

She tried her hardest to come up with an excuse but her brain seemed too blank to think of anything. 

Her chain of thoughts broke when she felt him squeezing her hand. 

Now he will taunt me. She braced herself to get embarrassed at her lie that had just made her fall flat on her face in front of him.

She inhaled a deep breath before she turned to him and opened her mouth to start with her defense before he could start with his taunts but she sat, absolutely taken aback, when he put a spoonful of rice mixed with sabzi in her mouth.

Her widened eyes stared at him who just gave her a small smile and spoke not a single word but chose to quietly continue feeding her while she sat too stunned to form a response. 

Neither did he utter a word nor did she let anything escape her lips. The duo ate in silence, comforting their agonized hearts with the balm of each other’s company.  

*

Don’t you dare let anything make you weak. Don’t you dare forget how he trusted Netra Tai over you. Don’t you dare let anything make you forget all that he has said to you. She chanted in her mind while returning to her room after sneaking some alone time with the excuse of keeping the plate in the kitchen. 

She warned her heart not to melt no matter what words he would come up with to pacify it but the moment she reached the door of her room, all of the warnings that she had given to her heart went in vain.

As she peeked inside and her eyes took in his sleeping form, she did not know why her heart let out a silent sob. She pressed her palm against the wall to her right, taking a moment to contain the heaviness in her heart.

She took off her slippers, carefully pushed them to a corner near the door, and her bare feet stepped inside. She closed the door, not allowing anything to disturb his sleep.

Though she had warned Anjali just minutes ago to stay away from her room till her husband was there, she knew her mother enough to know that she couldn’t trust her.

She walked up to the bed and pulled the comforter over him to his chest. Carefully sitting on the bed beside him, she quietly watched him. 

His calm and even breathing pace brought an instant relaxation to her distressed self. Leaning her head against the headboard, her gaze did not avert from him even for a microsecond.

She wondered if he hadn’t slept at all in the past three days. The mere thought of it had her draw her knees to her chest and wrap her hands around them.

Where had life brought them? 

She could see what her withdrawal had done to him and she would hate to admit that seeing him so emotionally vulnerable almost made her regret making the decision that she had made.

The tormenting torture of watching him suffering stayed so intense that even the memories of the ugly words that he had uttered for her couldn’t bring her to restore her anger.

Khadoos. A teardrop rolled down her cheek as she shut her eyes. 

*

“Apurva…” he murmured, shifting aside her hair strands from his forehead. Realizing that she had fallen asleep with her head resting on his, he contemplated how to get up, knowing that even a slight move by him and she would wake up.

His finger naturally went to adjust his glasses but landed on his nose instead. He pressed his finger a couple of times on his nose and eyes just to confirm that he indeed did not have his specs on. 

He clearly remembered not taking them off before he fell asleep. Where did his glasses go?

He grabbed a pillow and carefully lifted her head from his own to place it on the pillow. He did not remember when he was that careful last apart from while working in his laboratory.  

Hush. He let out a sigh of relief when he could successfully lay her down without disturbing her sleep. 

While he was covering her with the comforter, he caught sight of his glasses on the table beside the bed. Beside her. 

Ratri zoplyavar chashma kadh mhanun sangayla baykoch lagte. 

Mrs. Shashank Kanitkar! Resisting the smile that crept over his lips was beyond him. 

Only if he hadn’t been as blind as he had been to her innocence, things would have been so different today. So different. 

He hastily got down from the bed when he glanced at the clock striking 1 a.m. Picking his specs from the table, he put them on. 

It was late. He needed to leave but his heart refused to leave without taking her and she… wasn’t going to come, he had to come to understand. 

You hate me, don’t you?
I shouldn’t?

“Is your vision better?” 

Her voice stole his attention, pulling him out of the miserable land that he was roaming on. He gave her a nod but couldn’t summon the courage to turn to look at her.

“I will talk to Dada-Kaka,” she said when his silence lengthened. 

“You don’t feel that I deserve what I am getting?” 

She pushed the comforter off her body and pushed her feet down to the floor. “I have no answer to that question but what I do know is that you love your family and cannot stand their silence and indifference.” Just precisely how I could not stand your silence and indifference. 

His phone slipped from his hands as if he heard her unsaid words and they went slashing through his heart.

A step. Another step. Yet another step. He dragged himself backward till he knew that he reached her. 

Before she could even understand what he was up to, she watched him turn toward her, take her hands in his and kneel in front of her. 

Too quick to let her react.
Too quick to let her resist.
Too quick to let her… push her husband away or pull herself away. 

Her unblinking stare at his head that was hung in front of her continued till his hold on her hands unusually tightened.  

“Apurva, I know I messed up. I know I can’t go back and take my words back. I know I can’t but can you give me a chance? Do you want to give me a chance? Just one. Just one chance to let me show you that I… am sorry. Just one chance to let me show you that I… don’t love, Netra… I never did and I never would. Just once chance to let me show you that this Khadoos…. needs, wants, and desires his Shishta… for the rest of his life. Just one chance. I promise you that if I fail to convince you of my honesty…. I’ll never trouble you again. Just one chance… please?“

“Let go of my hands,” she said, firmly standing there until he withdrew his hold. 

Everything ends here. He concluded as he rose to his feet, somehow holding together the broken pieces of his heart. 

“I am sorry.” Apologizing for the last time before leaving, he made his way toward the door to leave her alone. Like how she wanted him to. His heart ached to see that his mere presence had begun to suffocate her. 

Perhaps, her anger wouldn’t have hurt as much as her silent indifference did. 

You asked for it. You made her who she is. You. Nobody else but you. He recalled every single word that he had uttered to and for her, swallowing those venomous words and letting them slowly kill that Khadoos in him that she had brought to life. Shishta’s Khadoos.

“Okay.” 

Her voice held him rooted in his place. Okay? Did she just say okay? Nah, his ears must be playing a prank on him. He was definitely hallucinating, he was sure. “Did you… say something?” He still summoned the courage to ask. 

Did he really not hear or was he just trying to get her to repeat herself? Annoyed, she stomped her foot before charging toward him. Pulling his hand, she turned him around and grabbed his collar. 

“You… you will just stay a Khadoos forever, no?” She pulled him by his collar while he stood too dumbstruck to react. “You just want to make me say it again, don’t you? Khadoos kuthla!” 

While she went on with her ranting, he could just look at her. It had been quite a while since she had spoken in that usual bickering tone with him. In Shishta’s tone that was specifically reserved for her Khadoos. 

His lips had almost curled up when his eyes caught a rat on the floor. His right hand instinctively snaked around her back as he swiftly lifted her from the ground before the rat could touch her feet. 

Her lips parted as her eyes stared at him in utter shock at what he had just done. He put her back on the floor beside him. While his eyes were busy looking for where the rat went, he did not realize that he had forgotten to take his hand off her skin that had slipped to her waist by then. 

“I think it’s gone,” he muttered, turning toward her. Not realizing how close their faces were, the moment he shifted his face to look at her, his forehead hit hers. As their noses brushed against each other’s, he was the first one to back off. That was when he realized where his hand was all along. “Sorry! There was… a rat.” His finger went back to adjust his already adjusted glasses. 

She uttered not a single word in response as she stood in a daze. Her senses seemed too dominated by the hypnotizing effect of that momentary intimacy that they had just shared.

Awkward, he couldn’t bring himself to stand there any longer. “I… I will call you!” 

Those were the last words that she heard from him before he rushed out, leaving her to deal with the newfound desires of her heart that he had just evoked. 

What just happened to me? She dragged herself to the bed and pulled a pillow on her lap. Why did my heart almost skip a beat when Khadoos’s hand… She did not dare complete the line. Not even in the silent thoughts that she was having.

Stop it, Appu. Just stop it. You gotta stop watching those stupid romantic movies. He is not your hero. He never was and he will never be because his heroine is Netra Tai. The scholar, the all-rounder, the perfect Netra Tai. You are just an obstacle in their love that Khadoos will kick out after a year. He is doing all this apology and stuff because the whole family is upset with him… She forcibly kept reminding herself of the events that had taken place in the past few days. But… Khadoos did not look like he was lying today. His eyes… his eyes were saying that he was missing me. She brought the pillow to her heart, closing her eyes as she decided to take a break from her deciphering Khadoos and his words session.

*

Shashank pulled a chair for himself near the left side of the bed. Her side of the bed. As he sat on the chair, staring at his empty bed, his mind automatically played the beautiful memories that he had made with her on that bed.

Being her teddy every night while sleeping may haven’t been too comfortable for him in the initial days but he was sure that right now – he was more fond of being her teddy than she was, of making him her teddy.

I miss you, Apurva. Even though I just met you… I miss you. He grabbed her pillow that he still wondered why she did not pack when she was leaving. It was her favorite pillow as far as he remembered. 

He spent a couple of minutes letting himself relive the best moments that he had lived with her before he vowed to himself to convince her of his love no matter what it would take him to do. 

He just had one chance. Just one chance. He had promised her that if he couldn’t convince her then he would never trouble her. It was a do-or-die situation for him and he… wasn’t going to let their relationship die. 

Shashank Kanitkar had never failed an exam, rather he had topped every single one that he had taken. 

I wouldn’t fail, Apurva. Neither would I fail nor would I let our relationship fail. This… is my promise to you. 

*

The next day evening!

“Tomorrow morning. 4 a.m. I’ll wait outside your house for you!” 

What the heck? 4 in the morning? Khadoos has lost it. She banged her phone on the bed after reading his message.  I shouldn’t have given him a chance in the first place. Khadoos kuthla! How am I supposed to wake up at 4? Already it takes me hours to fall asleep without him. 

She fell utterly silent and still at the last thought that crossed her mind. 

Already it takes me hours to fall asleep without him. She had never told him that her sleeping struggles had started when she failed to deal with the abandonment that her mother had gifted her. 

Though she had eventually made herself seek peace in her teddy, the comfort that her teddy brought to her all these years was very different from the comfort that her dadhi-wala teddy brought to her. 

Her teddy brought her a sense of security and safety but she always knew that it was all in her head. If at all something happened, it was not possible for her teddy to get up and rush to her aid.

But ever since she had gotten her new teddy… the dadhi-wala Khadoos teddy… things had changed. 

Minutes. She would fall asleep in minutes in his arms. How? She never pondered the same but if she would try to figure out why… she would come to the conclusion that it was because this teddy left her with no worries in her head. Absolutely none.

Her heart had come to beautifully believe that if there would be a flash of lightning – her teddy would wake up and hold her closer or if at all, the lightning couldn’t wake him up but only her, she knew that she could cling to him and he would wrap his hand around her and pull her in his warmth even when asleep. 

The very fact that her heart had come to trust that her teddy would protect her from every devil and demon was the fact that relaxed her almost instantly and magically in his arms every night, making her fall asleep faster than she had ever fallen asleep in her life before she got her this teddy.

4 a.m. She glanced at his message for yet another time, sighing to herself.  

*

“I hate you, Khadoos. I hate you so much,” she murmured with her chattering teeth as she stepped out of her house. 

The heavy rainfall that graced Nashik last night had made the air a bit too chilly. Out of all the days, he just had to pick that day and that time. Ugh, Khadoos is just so…. Khadoos. She groaned in frustration, rubbing her arms with her palms to fight the cold as she closed the door behind her. 

She pulled her jacket closer before she turned to see if he had arrived. The moment she turned, she caught him patiently waiting aside. She had almost smiled to see his face early in the morning but the moment her gaze fell behind him, the smile was replaced by a frown. 

A bicycle? What was he doing there with a bicycle? Whose bicycle was it in the first place? She narrowed her gaze at the bicycle first before it landed back on him. 

Without letting her feet take the effort to walk up to him, he quickly took off the bicycle stand and covered the distance between them. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?” He greeted her with a small smile, stopping right in front of her. 

She forced a tight-lipped smile. “Of course. You called me at 4 in the morning despite knowing that I don’t wake up before 12. Of course. Of course, I slept well.”

Ouch. He ruffled his hair, mouthing an apology with a sheepish smile. “Sorry. Shall we leave?”

“Sure but let me make it clear that I am going nowhere on that bicycle.”

He watched her for a moment in silence, letting his gaze follow hers. He looked at the bicycle that she was glaring at, making him wonder what his poor bicycle had done to earn that glare from his otherwise loving wife. 

“Why not?” He put the bicycle back on its stand and stepped closer to her. “What did my poor cycle do to receive such a painful punishment?”

His dramatic question earned him a deadly glare, making him pull himself a step back, afraid that he might just get strangled.

“I will fall…” 

Her feeble voice was barely audible but his ears were too attentive to miss it. She pursed her lips in a pout, muttering something to herself under her breath. 

The sight broke his lips into a small smile as he went down memory lane, recalling her small childhood accident that she had shared about. 

“Ekda padli mhanun pratyek veli padshil asa nasta, Apurva!” (“Just because you fell once doesn’t necessary mean that you’ll fall every time, Apurva!”)

“Te mala kahi mahiti nahi. Mi cycle var basnar nahi… bas! Mala parat padaycha nahi aahe. Mi cycle var basnar nahi. Nahi mhanje NAHI!” (“I don’t know all of that but I ain’t sitting on the bicycle… and that’s final! I don’t want to fall again. I won’t sit on the bicycle. No means NO!”

“Jar mi mhanalo ki agadi kahihi zala tari mi tula padu denar nahi tar? Vishwas karu shakshil mazyavar?” (“What if I say that no matter what happens, I won’t let you fall? Will you be able to trust me?”)

“No. Never!“

“Tuza ajibatach vishwas urla nahi aahe ka mazyavar?” (“You don’t have even a percent of trust remained in me now?”) 

“Mala vicharlya peksha swatala vichar!” (“Why not ask yourself instead of asking me?”)

He sighed, slightly bending his head before he extended his hand toward her. Wordlessly. And patiently waited for hers to slip in it.  

She gave in when minutes passed and his hand still waited for hers. “Pan mi mage basnar nahi. Magchya mage mi padli tar? Tula kalnar hi nahi. Tu jashil nighun ani -” (” But I won’t take the backseat. What if I fell from it? You won’t even realize. You’ll go leaving me and -“)

His index finger gently touched her lips, shushing her in the middle. “Mi tula ektila sodun kadhihi kuthehi janar nahi, Apurva! Kadhihi… kuthehi!” (“I will never go anywhere leaving you alone, Apurva! Never… anywhere!”)

What has gotten into this man? Ha Khadoos ch aahe ki koni dusra? She stared at him till he took his fingertip off her lips. 

He got on the bicycle, pulling her to sit in front of him. She quietly obliged, letting him securely lock her between his arms as their journey to the destination that she was unaware of began.

“We could have done this… this whatever that we’re going to do now in the afternoon also, no? Why now?”

“You’ll know!” That was all that he said.

“You’ll know,” she mimicked him, dropping her head on the cycle for a moment in frustration. 

Before her head could fall on the handle, he placed his hand in between her head and the handle. “Lagel! (“Careful!”) 

She raised her head from his hand for a fraction of a second before banging it on his hand again. “Stop! Stop, I said.” 

He pulled the brake, asking her what it was. 

“Tu Khadoos nahi aahe, Khadoos,” she accused, turning her head to look at him. (“You are not Khadoos, Khadoos!”)

“Haan? Mhanje?” (“What? What do you mean?”)

“Mhanje tu Khadoos nahi aahe. Tu… tu tyacha duplicate aahe! Ho… tu duplicate ch aahe!” She concluded, telling her own self instead of him. (“I mean you are not Khadoos. You… you’re Khadoos’s duplicate. Yes… yes, you’re his duplicate!”)

He could only shake his head, watching her self-talk and resume their journey. “Mi Khadoos ch aahe aani mi Khadoos ch rahnar. Shishta cha Khadoos! Pan Khadoos… kadhi kadhi tyachya Shishta saathi premal hi houch shakto ki. Hmm?” (“I am Khadoos only and that’s who I shall continue to be. Shishta’s Khadoos! But Khadoos can be sweet for his Shishta… at times, no?”)

She rolled her eyes, still somewhere sure that he was her Khadoos’s duplicate. The sudden overdose of sweetness from Khadoos wasn’t digestible at all. Nonetheless, she chose to ignore him and quietly enjoy the serene beauty of the early morning.

“Apurva… ek – ek minute utartes ka?” he asked, stopping the bicycle. (“Apurva… will you get down for one – one minute?”)

“Ka?” (“Why?”)

“Bas ek minute. Utar na please,” he urged. (“Just a minute. Please!”)

She stepped down, folding her hands to her chest as she turned her face away from him. 

He stayed on the bicycle and pushed his hand in his pocket as he pulled a blindfold out. Holding her wrist, he pulled her toward himself. 

She had no idea what he was up to as her back faced him and she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing that she was intrigued. 

It wasn’t until he tied the blindfold over her eyes that she screamed. 

“KHADOOOOS!” 

“Aga halu…” He held her hands that desperately tried to reach the knot of the blindfold to take it off.  

“He kaay… kaay chal-lay tuza? Kadh he aadhi mazya dolyavarun? Are disat nahi aahe mala kahi!” She wriggled in his hold, getting too uncomfortable in the darkness before her eyes to stand still. (“What… what the heck are you doing? Take this off my eyes right now! I can’t see anything, Khadoos!”)

“Thamb na, please. Fakt thoda vel.” He earnestly tried to convince her. (“Hold on, please. Just a little longer!”)

“Nahi. Nahi ha, Khadoos… ajibat nahi. Bas khup zala tuza. 4 wajta uth. Cycle var bas aani aata he? Jamnar nahi!” She put her foot down, refusing to entertain his any new demands. (“No. Absolutely not, Khadoos! Absolutely not. Enough is enough. Get up at 4. Sit on the bicycle and now this? Not possible!”)

“Apurva, aik na maza, please. One last time?” (“Apurva, listen to me, no, please?”

Ugh. Just ugh. She clenched her fists, gritting her teeth before nodding. “Kashi basu mi aata? Dolyavar bandhlay na tu he?” (“How am I supposed to sit now? You’ve tied this on my eyes, no?”)

Her sarcastic taunt made him chuckle. “Mi aahe na? Ye.” He made her sit on the bicycle and quickly made his way toward their destination. (“I am here, no? Come!”)

*

“We’ve reached,” he informed, bringing their bicycle ride to a halt. 

She instantly jumped down, and almost slipped in the process. Had it not been his hand that grabbed her arm in the nick of time, she would have been on the ground by then. 

He quickly put the bicycle on the stand and took off her blindfold. 

She had to blink several times for her vision to restore back to normal. She smacked his arm. “Khadoos kuthla!” She pushed him and turned her face away from him but the moment she did that, the sight at the front held her rooted in her place.  

Astonishment flickered in her orbs as she gazed at the sitting arrangement with a mattress and a small table in the middle of it surrounded by several lanterns that lit the place up. 

Momentarily enchanted by the light of the lanterns dominating the darkness around, she couldn’t resist her feet that pulled her toward the set up in front of her. 

Within a couple of strides, she stood close enough to it to be able to look at everything a lot more clearly. 

Her lips broke into a smile followed by a small laugh as her eyes caught a series of small teddies in a circle around the table. She instantly turned around to look at him for a second before she shifted her gaze back to the things in front of her.

“Kaay aahe he sagla?” she asked him as he walked up to her. (“What is all this?”)

“Kalel tula. Ye.” He held his hand out in front of her and made her sit before he himself settled down across her. (“You’ll know!”)

“Kiti sundar aahe he sagla,” she said, unable to avert her eyes from the lanterns around them, “he… he sagla tu kelas? Mazya sathi?” (“How beautiful is this whole thing! You… you did all of this? For me?”)

Dammit. She wasn’t supposed to say that. Her eyes stayed fixed on the lanterns when she realized how foolishly her tongue had slipped. “Te… te asach… chukun mhatla mi. Mala asa mhanaycha hota ki… erm… haan, Netra Tai sathi kela asashil na he sagla? Mag mala ka -” (“Erm… That was by mistake. I meant to say… erm… yeah, Netra Tai… you must have done this for her, no? Then why have you bought me -“

“Tuzyasathi kelay!” (“I have done this for you!”)

His two words, uttered in an utterly soft voice that almost went caressing her heart, had the rest of the words of her statement die before they could find her voice. 

Tuzyasathi kelay! 

She couldn’t be more glad that her face was at the lanterns and he couldn’t see it. If he could see her face, he would have caught her grin and the slight blush that she herself didn’t realize had painted her cheeks in its color.

Hiding that smile and bringing the serious expression back to her face to show him that she was unaffected was tougher than resisting the maja-masti plans. 

She cleared her throat, making sure that her face was back to I don’t care what you say and what you do, I ain’t falling for anything that you will do. 

As she shifted in her place, turning to face him, her eyes narrowed at the two small wooden boxes that had appeared on the table. She remembered that they weren’t there a while ago. 

“What’s this?” She had almost touched the box to open it when he held her hand. 

“You’ll know,” he said, taking her hand off the box. 

She frowned as he was back to that annoying you’ll know thing. She was sure by then that all that he was trying to do was kill her in curiosity.

She jerked his hand away. “Whatever!” 

“Tula mahiti aahe mi tula ithe ka aanla aahe?” He reached out for her hand. Much to his surprise, she didn’t resist at all. She just let him do what he wanted to do. Once her hand was in his hold, his thumb involuntarily rubbed her knuckles before he lifted his gaze to her eyes. “Aaj aaplya naatyachi ek navin suruvat aahe. Ek navin pahat aahe. Aaj ithe… suryachya sakshine… mala tula punha ekda bayko mhanun sweekaryache aahe!”

(“You know why have I brought you here? Today is the new beginning of our relationship. The new dawn of our relationship. Today… I want to accept you as my wife once again in the holy presence of the sun!”)

He let several moments pass in silence but did not let go of her hand. A part of him was desperately hoping for her to see in his eyes what he hadn’t even confessed to her yet. His love for her. 

“Kay-kay bollas? Kay karachye aahe?” She scratched her head, struggling to comprehend his hi-fi Marathi as usual. A deep frown crossed her face before she jerked his hand away for yet another time. “Tula mahiti aahe mala kathin shabda kalat nahi tari boltos. Muddam… muddam kartos na?” 

(“Wh-what? What did you say? What do you want to do? You do know that I don’t understand difficult words and still, you use them. Purposely… you purposely do it, no?”)

He mentally smacked his head as she killed the romantic moment that he thought he had created. Once things go back to normal, the first thing that was going to do was teach her Marathi to protect their future romantic moments from being brutally ruined by his wife’s weak comprehending skills.

“Aga… aso! He ghe!” He postponed the translation and pulled out a bar of chocolate from his pocket. 

He could only shake his head when he watched her grinning for a second at the sight of the chocolate but hiding it right at the next moment, wearing her I ain’t melting mask back. 

“Khadoos? You are trying to bribe me with chocolate? Seriously? How lame! How lame, Khadoos! How lame! You could have brought Pani-Puri instead. No – don’t keep any hopes. I wouldn’t have melted with Pani-Puri either but just… it would have been a little less lame than this… this one chocolate. Ek – ek minute… tu hastoys? You are mocking me, Khadoos? I -“

Her words died in the air when he lifted two bowls, placed them on the table, and took the lids off, exposing the Pani-Puris to her eyes. 

Her jaw dropped as she repeatedly shifted her gaze from him to the Pani-Puris and from the Pani-Puris to him as if trying to confirm what her eyes were seeing. 

He covered the bowls back and kept them down before pushing the wooden boxes to the center of the table. 

Her gaze intently scrutinized his face which had suddenly lost the playful smile it had all along. She couldn’t resist wondering what was going on in his mind that had trapped him in that sudden seriousness. 

She shifted her eyes from him to the table and caught his palms clutching the table. That was when she began to grow restless. Something was suffocating him and she could see that.

Unfortunately, she did not have the liberty to ask. Doing that meant letting him see that she wasn’t mad at him but rather only and only hurt. She wouldn’t allow him to see that, no matter what. 

She chose to sit still and silently suffocate herself by watching his quickened breathing as she impatiently waited for him to speak up. 

“Open that box,” he said, once he got a grip on himself. 

The strange anguish that she caught in his orbs did not let her waste a minute in any questions. She quietly did what he said. 

Chits? And what’s that? She sat perplexed, staring at the seven black-colored folded papers, neatly organized in the box. Every paper had a small, sharp structure placed on it that she couldn’t quite figure out much about. 

Her hand involuntarily went inside the box and she was about to pick it up to inspect it closely when his voice stopped her hand from touching it. 

“Careful! Those are thorns!” 

She raised a brow, looking back inside the box. Thorns? Her mind almost gave up as she realized that it was beyond her to figure out what he was trying to do. 

She quietly watched him open the box that was in front of him. She peeked inside and caught a similar arrangement of folded papers. The only differences were that the papers were white and instead of thorns, each one had a rose petal on it.

Interesting. Her curious mind which had decided not to waste its energy was back to work. 

Roses and thorns! What was he trying to do? 

He did not allow her much time to ponder. Inhaling a deep breath, he gestured for her to pick the first paper up. “Be careful while handling the thorns. Don’t hurt yourself.” 

She gave him a nod before doing what she was told. She lifted the paper with the thorn on it. She shifted the paper a bit to make the thorn slip on her other hand and she unfolded the paper to see what it had to say. 

Apurva, tu jevha pasun mazya aayushyat aali aahes na… mazya adchani wadhlyay. (Apurva, ever since you have entered my life… my problems have increased.)

Her muscles stiffened by the time she reached the last word. She could still hear him utter those words from the day in his office when he had said them to her in front of his whole staff – especially Netra.

He squeezed his eyes shut, hating to remind her of that awful scene of their life. Somehow gathering the courage to look at her, he made himself see what he was putting her through. 

She was still blankly staring at that paper. His hand rose to touch her arm but stopped midway. He brought it back to himself and pulled the first folded paper along with the rose petal on it from the box in front of him. 

“I can’t go into the past and take my words back but today… I want to replace those words with the words that come from my heart. Give that paper and the thorn to me,” he said, forwarding his hand. 

Too stunned to react, she dropped them in his hand without uttering a word. 

He replaced the vacant place of the chit that he had taken out from his box with them before giving her the paper and the rose petal.

I am sorry. What I had said back then… was wrong. You haven’t added to my problems. You have rather solved a whole lot of them. Mi je nasto karu shaklo… te tuzyamule shakya zala. When Babi Aatya had locked herself because of Bhaskar Kaka – I couldn’t make her open the door. None of us could but you could. You stepped up to help when Kukki was stuck in that bank fraud. I would have really struggled had you not taken it upon yourself. From taking off our financial burden and helping with Babi Aatya’s jewelry to convincing Babi Aatya to give a chance to Bhaskar Kaka again – you have been the problem solver and not the problem creator. I am sorry.

His apology threatened to overwhelm her. She kept staring at the rose petal in her hand until a sudden thunder rumbled, making her bend forward and clutch his T-Shirt, shutting her eyes in fear. 

He was quick to place his hand on hers that had fisted his T-Shirt. “Shh, it’s okay. I know it scares you but -”

His statement had her pull her hand back. “How do you know?”

“Um actually… I heard it when….” His mind traveled back to her birthday night when he had overheard her conversation with her mother. He clenched his fist when the images of her inconsolable self from that night flashed before his eyes. “I’ll tell you later. Keep that in that box and take out the next one.” 

She did not insist either. Her attention was captured by the papers in front of her a bit too much to be distracted by anything else at that moment. 

Tu khotardi aahes. Tuzya ya ashya wagnyamule aapan kadhihi javal yeu shaknar nahi. Tula navra nahi ek joker hawa aahe. Jyavar tu pranks karu shaktes. But I am sorry… mi to navra nahi hou shakat.
(You are a liar. We would never be able to come close because of your behavior. You don’t need a husband. You need a joker who you can play pranks on. But I am sorry… I can’t be that husband.)

She firmly pressed her eyelids together as the note dragged her back to the farmhouse where things had messed up between them. She was quick to bring herself out of it though. She did not want to stay there for even a minute. 

He couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He just quietly grabbed the second folded paper with the rose petal on it. He handed them to her after taking the paper and the thorn from her. 

I am sorry. Not for my anger but definitely for my words. I am not sure if you can understand but my work matters to me, Apurva. I have certain ambitions and goals that I want to achieve. That day… I had left the meeting that could have brought me closer to my goal. Just for you. Just because I couldn’t think of anything else when you were sick. I am sorry for the words that I chose that day that I know did hurt you a lot. I am sorry. 

She was still holding the rose petal between her thumb and index finger as if letting its softness caress her bruised emotions after his words gently blew air on them. 

It had been quite a while to the track of life that he had brought up. 

Truthfully, she had even forgotten about it. She had never been of the kind to hold on to her anger but having him acknowledge and feel bad for his words that had tremendously hurt her back then made her feel nice. 

She placed it in her box and forwarded her hand to him, silently demanding the next note. 

Mala ek karan de tuzyavar prem karnyacha! Ek karan? Mala tuzyatla ek gun sang jyane mi tuzyavar prem karu shakel! Ek gun sangshil? Aathavtoy? Hi sagli loka mazyavar prem kartat aani tu mazi bayko aahes mhanun tuzyavar prem kartat. Tuzyat kahi vegle gun aahet mhanun tuzyavar prem kartat… asa nahi aahe.
(Give me one reason to love you. One reason? Tell me one quality that you have that can make me love you. One quality? Can you remember any? These people love me and they love you because you are my wife. Not because you have anything special in you.)

Her breath caught in her throat as his note brought back those memories that she herself did not know how severely affected her. 

“APURVA!” He yelled, rushing to her side when she clenched her hand that had the thorn on it in a fist. He knelt to her right side, curling his fingers around her wrist. He glanced at her eyes that were glued to a random tree around before slowly opening her fist.

Thank goodness! Relief rushed through him upon seeing that the thorn hadn’t pierced her skin. He quickly separated that thorn from her hand and dropped it in his box. That was when he spotted a tiny amount of blood near her finger. 

Dammit. He pulled out his handkerchief from his pocket and tied it around her hand. 

“I am sorry, I am really sorry,” he whispered, still holding her hand in his protective hold. 

“It’s okay. The thorn wasn’t sharper than your words. It definitely hurts less than how much your words have hurt me,” she said, regretting making her despair visible without intending to, “anyways, go back to your place. Let me read this.” She patted his shoulder before pushing him to return to his place. 

He obliged despite being dejected. With every hurtful memory that they were reliving and putting closure to, it was getting unimaginably tough. For her and equally for him. 

He took the paper from her hand, folded it, and put it in his box before giving her its replacement from his box. 

I am sorry. You may not believe me, Apurva but I knew that I was being stupid and unnecessarily rude to you back then. When I said that you have no quality in you that can make anyone fall in love with you – I was lying. Trust me, I was. I was lying when I said that my family loves you only because you are my wife. I was lying to you and myself all along. There is something about you – that I don’t know if I can put into words but it is just more than enough to make anyone love you. I am no exception but we’ll get there later. I am sorry for making you feel that you’re not good enough. You are more than good enough. You always were. I am sorry.

She put the paper in the box but let the rose petal stay in her hand for a minute or two. Her lips stretched a little in a small smile, generously allowing him to see that she was trusting the new words that he was gifting her. 

For a moment, he almost wished to stop there. To stop giving the rest of the confession notes to her. Because he wasn’t sure if anything was worth snatching that beautiful smile that was finally returning to her face. 

It was a fleeting desire though. He knew that he couldn’t be selfish. He had to own up to his mistakes no matter how painful it was. For both of them. 

He sighed before taking out the fourth paper and the thorn. 

She put the rose petal in the box after watching him holding the next note for her and took it from his hand. 

Ya prakarna nantar jar hi ya gharat rahnar asel tar mi he ghar sodun nighun jail.
(If she is going to stay here after this incident – I will leave this house.)

She blinked off the tears that had started to gather in her eyes. Her ability to speak was snatched by the sob that constricted her throat. Going back to that night hurt as she recalled how he had no trust in her. 

Not willing to let her stay in those emotions for too long, he quickly replaced the note. 

She had composed herself by then. She was quite intrigued to read what he had to say about it. 

I am sorry. I know, I have apologized for this to you back then as well but I just did not want to leave this opportunity to let you know that I agree that I should have trusted you. I should have asked you instead of accusing you. I should have remembered that you did tell me that you don’t drink. I could have been more understanding. I am sorry. 

She meekly nodded and kept the note in her box. “Give me the next,” she said, making him wonder if she was intrigued to read or just wanted to get over the whole thing. 

He did not dare to ask though. He got her the next note. 

Her eyes narrowed when he kept holding a corner of the note. She tried to pull it from his hand but he did not let go of it. 

“Khadoos,” she yelled, frowning. 

“Ye-yeah, sorry,” he stammered, realizing that he no longer had the choice to back off. He had to not just himself step down in the ugly mud that he himself had created with his sick words but also drag her into it. The latter sucked more. 

Mala tuzyabaddal je watat hona na, Apurva… tu te sagla khota tharavla aahes. Tu ek number chi appalpoti, dushta, nishthoor aani swarthi mulgi aahe.
(You have proved me wrong in whatever I used to think about you. You are a selfish, evil, ruthless and self-centered woman.)

Tears blurred her vision. Her heart that he had scarred not too long ago was yet to heal and when he exposed her to an attack on her already bruised heart – her emotions were beyond her control. 

Her heart hated to recall that he had trusted Netra over her. His anger hadn’t hurt her as much as just the fact that he actually saw her capable of those awful things that he had accused her of was brutal. 

She blinked her tears off before they could escape her eyes and got her hands on its replacement that he had already taken out. 

I do not even have the courage to apologize for this but that’s the least that I can do so I will. I know that you did not change Netra’s mattress. I should have believed you when you said that you didn’t but situations favored my accusation and I… and I just couldn’t trust you… You weren’t sleeping in our room and Netra got the rash because of the old mattress and my mind just couldn’t believe you when you said that you came to sleep in Babi Aatya’s room just like that. My mind could only see that you changed the mattress and that was why you weren’t sleeping on it. I didn’t believe Amey Da, Sumi, and Prachi either but now I know that you weren’t involved in it. I called you the words that can suit anyone in this world but you. Anyone in the world but you. I am sorry, Apurva.

A stream of tears rolled down her cheeks. She let it flow without resisting her breakdown. 

He pushed his handkerchief on the table toward her. His downcast eyes were too ashamed to watch her cry again. Because of him. 

She readily took it to wipe her eyes dry. “How many handkerchiefs do you have?” she asked, lifting her other hand that he had tied his handkerchief around.  

“I just had two,” he truthfully said, “I don’t care about running out of them though. You’ll forever have my palms at your service to wipe your tears.” Despite the guilt that was making even looking at her tough, he couldn’t resist letting her know that – from that day onwards, she would have him. Forever. 

“Khadoos.”

“Hmm?”

“Appalpoti mhanje?”

He was taking out the next note when her words held his hand still. The acceptance of the words that he had uttered for her still hadn’t come to him. 

The past seventy-two hours that he had spent without her had him realize how harsh and just unacceptable he had been with her all along. 

“Let it… be for now,” he urged, after clearing his throat, “some other day, maybe?”

“Is it that bad?” 

Her question gave away that his struggle to share the meaning did reach her. 

“I just can’t stand that I said that to you,” he murmured, mindlessly playing with the note in his hand.  

“Give me the next!” She let it go, visibly affected by the tormenting anguish in his orbs that she caught when he looked at her for a brief moment. 

Only two! She silently comforted herself, reminding herself that just the two notes were there for her to read though a part of her knew that they were going to be the hardest ones for her. 

Tu mazi bayko aahes, ya goshtichi laaj watate mala.
(I am ashamed to have you as my wife.)

The note escaped her hold. The hold that those words had weakened! As it landed on the table, it drew his attention. His heart had to shed tears of shame when his eyes caught her teardrops, one after the other, falling on the table. 

How was the man who himself needed consoling supposed to console her? 

He quietly took that note back to his box and placed the one from his box in its place. For the first time, he didn’t leave it in her hands.

Sorry is not enough for this one, I know, Apurva but I am still going to say it anyway. You have a heart that knows how to forgive, I have seen that. Why somewhere… I know that eventually… you’ll forgive me for this but I-I… but I don’t know how long it is going to take me to forgive myself if at all it is possible in the first place. You might not believe me but I still cannot fathom how I brought that to my lips. Sure, in the initial days… I might haven’t been too proud to have you as my wife but as time passed and I came to understand you because of the situations that we were put into – I genuinely couldn’t wait to tell you how lucky I consider myself for having you as my wife. If I were to start listing the reasons, it would take me days. I am being utterly honest about it. One of the best gifts that I have ever received from my family is… you, Apurva. It’s you. I am sorry. 

“I don’t believe that you feel anything of that sort but anyway… Only one is remaining now, no? Give it to me and let’s get done with this!” She wiped her tears, indifferently leaving the note and the thorn on the table.

Something broke within him. Was it the end? Their end? He had thought that he would convince her by the time the sun would show up to bless the new beginning of their relationship. 

“I am waiting!”

Her curt tone snatched whatever hopes that he was left with. His hung head could not even raise when he pushed the note closer to her on the table. His index finger that stayed on the thorn on the note refused to lift from it until she pulled it. And the moment it slipped from his hand, he felt like she slipped from his life. 

Mi aayushyat kadhi tuzyavar prem karu shaknar nahi!
(I’ll never be able to love you!)

She smiled through the anguish, concealing how brutally those words had pierced her heart. Ever since they got married, she had gotten that confession from him time and again. That he would never love someone like her. 

She had never been able to figure out why she expected him to love her in the first place. They had indulged in a contract marriage. 

Falling for each other wasn’t a part of the contract. 

But it hurt… it hurt her every time he said that he would never love her. She had seldom sat and pondered why it affected her so much. 

Apurva… mi tuzyzvar aayushyat prem karu shaknar nahi. 

The declaration that he had made three days ago rang in her ears. The declaration that had made her make the decision to leave him and their house. 

His hands clutched his box as if afraid that the moment he would give her the last note – that very moment, his illusion would break. The illusion of a new beginning that he was seeing. 

If he could, he would have given up his entirety to make sure that his illusion lasted forever.

She stared at his hands for a long minute and herself grabbed the last piece of paper in the box as if she sensed that he would not be able to do it.

In all honesty… I never thought that I would ever love someone like you. Trust me when I say it…. I never did. Actually…. I don’t think I even thought that I would ever fall in love. With anyone. 

As a kid, my priority was my studies.
As a teenager, my priority was my career.
As an adult, my priority has been my work. 

Apart from my family, of course. That goes without saying but things started to slowly change after you entered my life. The change was so gradual that I did not even realize when I stood at the point where I started to miss you every time you weren’t in my sight. I started missing you every time you stepped out of the house. I started missing you at the institute. I started missing you just everywhere… where you weren’t there with me. I am not sure if I still understand what it is to be in love but I can certainly assure you that I haven’t felt what I feel for you for anyone. 

Do you remember how I had embraced you when you couldn’t stand the thought of something happening to me? I did not want to let you go. I just did not. I had ridiculed myself for wondering why I couldn’t hold you that close to myself forever. 

Perhaps, that was the moment when I did feel that I do mean something to you and…. And it really made me feel special. So special that I cannot even put that feeling into words. 

I don’t know what this is but there is something that I do know and it is that – Shishta…. Khadoos needs you. More than you think he does. WAY more than you think he does.

Her tears that poured down and fell on the letter began to fade his words. She was quick to hold it aside, protecting the existence of his words. 

Having lost the grip on her emotions, she pressed her elbows on the table, hid her face in her palms, and burst into tears after keeping the letter on the table. 

“Hey, hey…. Apurva! What’s wrong? Apurva?” Alarmed, he rushed to her side. Kneeling beside her, he struggled to keep his hand on her shoulder. Her sobs that fell into his ears just intensified his struggle. 

As her sobs turned into hysterical cries, he couldn’t care about his guilt and hesitation. Slipping his hand around her head, he inched closer and gently pulled her to himself. 

He relaxed upon having her resist not even once when he wrapped his hands around her. She fisted his T-shirt, sobbing against his chest. 

“Shh,” he whispered, patting her head. “Bas… Bas…” Holding her inconsolable self in his arms after she read his apologies and confessions filled him with more guilt. He chose to suffocate himself with the guilt but not to let her go. 

For several long minutes, he had just held her to himself. In his arms. With her head resting on his chest and fingers clutching his T-Shirt, wetting it with her tears. His palm kept stroking her hair. 

She was so consumed by her own emotions that she did not even realize that his lips had lingered over her hair for a long minute. 

“Apurva….” he murmured, carefully pulling himself back just enough where he could see her tear-stricken face. Pressing his palms on her cheeks, he wiped her tears. “Kay zalay? Ka radtes? Jar tula ya saglyacha itka traas hot asel tar jau de….Aapan aatta ithun nighu. Chal, mi ghari sodto tula.” (“What happened? Why are you crying? If this is getting you so miserable… then let it be. We will leave right now. Come, I’ll drop you home.”)

He rose to his feet and tried to pull her up but she grabbed his hand instead, pulling him back to his place. 

“Ka-Kaay? Apurva, I -”

She circled her hands around his back, clinging to him again. “Mala kuthech nahi jaycha ahe,” she feebly said.  (“I want to go nowhere.”)

Sensing her relaxing in his arms, he stared at her. He had questions to ask but he kept them to himself because the moment stayed too special for him to disturb. Nothing was worth breaking that beautiful moment where she had expressed her willingness to stay there with him. For a little longer. 

“Jasa tu mhanshil,” he whispered to her, getting back to his gentle ways of comforting her. (“As you say!”)

Her sobs had ceased by then. As sunrise was approaching, the darkness around them had begun to fade. Even after she stopped crying, she still let him hold her as if seeking the warmth and the assurance that she had missed for the past several days. 

The assurance that Khadoos… was only his Shishta’s!

She raised her head from his chest. Suddenly conscious, she looked down but the moment she did that, shock plastered over her face to see that he was on his knees all along. “Khadoos… sorry!” She pulled him by his arm, making him sit properly. Her hands went to his knees, visibly upset. “Sorry. Do they hurt?”

“Not as much as your heart does!”

The silence lengthened between them after his verbal confession of the acknowledgment of having hurt her. 

She took her hands off his knees, stealing a glance at him.

“Apurva, I know, I messed up. I accept that I did. I also know that I have hurt you. A lot more than a lot. I admit to having failed to understand you. I admit to having failed to trust you. I admit to having failed as your husband but I genuinely am sorry, Apurva. Can you give me and our marriage a second chance, please?”

He reached out for her hands and brought them closer to his heart. “Feel my guilt. Feel my apology. Feel my lov-” He halted on his words, looking down for a moment. “Feel it and tell me – do you feel that I am not being honest?”

Tears blurred her vision for yet another time as her hands listened to his heartbeat and her eyes read the sincerity in his orbs. A couple of more tears escaped her eyes as she shook her head, launching her back into his arms, and that time, he held her far more securely than ever before. Far more securely than ever before. 

It wasn’t the end.
It wasn’t their end.
It wasn’t because she had chosen him. Again. 

Overwhelmed, he poured his emotions into the kiss that his lips left on her hair when the moment came that still felt like a dream to him.

“Thank you, Apurva, thank you!” He brought her hand to his lips, dropping a kiss of gratitude on it. “You’ve no idea how terrified I was at the mere thought of losing you! Even after I brought you here… I had no idea if you were going to forgive me or not. At a point… I almost thought that I… lost you.”

“Would you let me lose you?” she asked.

“Never!” 

“How could I let you lose me then?” She shifted closer, slipping her hand around his arm as she rested her head on his shoulder. “Khadoos….”

“Hmm?”

“You trust me now, no? I really… really didn’t push Netra Tai. I didn’t change her mattress either and that recording… Khadoos, that recording -”

“Shh…” Cupping her cheek, he rested his forehead against hers. “I know. I know you did nothing. I still can’t understand how I could even think that you could do something of that sort. Your heart is too soft to do that, Apurva. Too soft to do that. I am sorry for putting you through all of it. I am so sorry.” 

“Mi tula khup traas dila na? ( I really troubled you a lot, no?)”

“Mag nahi tar kaay! Khadoos kuthla! ( Any doubt? Such a Khadoos! )”

He smiled to watch her feigning a frown. Holding his ears, he bowed his head in front of her. “Khadoos truly regrets it all, Shishta and he promises you today that he will learn from the mistakes that he has made. Khadoos can’t promise to be perfect but Khadoos promises to be better. To be a better husband. For you. ”

“Shishta will try to be better too. To be a better wife. For you!” She blinked with a soft smile playing over her lips. 

“Does that mean that you are going to sincerely study from now onwards?”

“Khadoos yaar…” She pushed him away, with a deep frown crossing her face. “Mood kharab nako karu!” (“Don’t spoil my mood!”)

“Pan, Shishta…. Abhyas karayla lagel…” (“But, Shishta… you have to study!”)

“Are karel na mi. Abhyasa baddal aatta ithe bolna garjecha aahe? Khadoos, tu na…. Khadoos ch rahshi!” (“I will study! Is it necessary to talk about that here… right now? Khadoos… you will be just Khadoos!)”

“Mazya Shishta sathi mi nehmi Khadoos ch asnar aahe! Aapan ha vishay nantar gheu pan, Apurva, ek lakshat ghe – mala kharach asa watate ki tu khup abhyas karawas aani tuzya payavar ubha vhavas! Karan -” (“I am always going to be Khadoos for my Shishta! We will take this topic later but, Apurva… know that I truly do feel that you should study and stand on your feet!”)

“Ek-ek minute thamb,” she interrupted, narrowing her eyes at him, “mazya payavar ubha rahava mhanje? Aatta kaay mi tuzya payavar ubhi rahte?” (“Hold on. What do you mean by standing on my feet? Do I stand on your feet now?”)

He mentally facepalmed. “Aga…. swatachya payavar ubha rahne mhanje…. Haan, independent. Mala asa mhanaycha aahe ki tu independent vhavas. In every aspect of life. Especially financially! Nahi, aata asa gairsamaj karun gheu nakos ki mala tuzyavar paise kharch karayche nahit vagere vagere. Tasa ajibaat nahi aahe pan, Apurva… samaj mala udya kahi zala -” (“Ah! By standing on your feet… I mean to say that you should be independent. In every aspect of life. No, now don’t misunderstand that I don’t want to spend money on you or something of that sort. It’s absolutely not that. Apurva, suppose if something happens to me tomorrow -”)

“KHADOOS!” 

Dammit! Wrong choice of words. In front of her. Again. “Sorry, sorry. Mala kahihi honar nahi. Kasa bara samjau mi tula aata… Being financially independent as an individual in today’s world is important. Not to prove anything to anyone but for your own sake. For your own pride. For your own life. Are you getting my point?” 

“I don’t know…. Aapan nantar boluya na yavar? Mi zopun jail, Khadoos jar tu ye abhyas-paise-abhyas karat rahilas tar. Ek tar aadhich 4 wajta uthayla lavla aahes tu mala…” she said, stifling a yawn.  (“I don’t know… let’s talk about this later, no? I will fall asleep, Khadoos if you continue doing this study-money-study thing! Already you had me wake up at 4…”)

He chucked. “Okay, fine. We’ll talk about this later. By the way… I did want to ask you something. Why didn’t you take your pillow with you? Tula tya ushi shivaay zop nahi lagat na?” (“You can’t sleep without that pillow, no?)

“Zop tar mala tuzyashivaay hi nahi lagat na, Khadoos!” She held his gaze for a long moment before shrugging her shoulders. “I deliberately left it in our room, knowing there was no point in packing it. If I could pack you…. I would have but I didn’t have that choice so I didn’t bother about the pillow either.” (“I can’t sleep without you either, can I, Khadoos?”)

“Sorry…” His voice trailed off as he uttered the only word that he could bring himself to say.

He rose to his feet and pulled her along with himself. She raised a brow, silently questioning what he was up to. He asked her to wait for a minute before he bent and pulled out an iron pot that was under the table. 

Confused, she kept her eyes glued to him to figure out what he was doing. The pot already had several papers and some wooden sticks. He kept it on the ground and looked for the matchbox in his pocket. 

It happened almost in a blink of an eye that he found the matchbox and threw the matchstick into the pot. Startled, she jumped near him. “Tu kaay karto aahe? Mala ya aaget phekaycha vichar aahe ki kaay? He bagh, Khadoos… tula jail hoil. Then jail mein you will be chakki pissing and pissing and pissing.” (“What… what are you doing? You planning to throw me in this fire or what? Look, Khadoos… you’ll be jailed and then in the jail, you’ll be chakki pissing and pissing and pissing!”)

“Ae…. kahihi kaay boltes?” He rolled his eyes at her wild imagination, “Shaant raha! Aani ek minute ithech thamb.” (“Hey… what are you even saying? Stay quiet and stay here for a minute!”)

She laughed, nodding. 

He was back in a minute as promised. She caught one of the two boxes in his hands. Keeping it on the ground, he took out the first note and its thorn. 

She was still clueless about what he was trying to do. It wasn’t until he stood in front of her with his outstretched hand toward her that she realized that he had planned something more.

Slipping her hand in his, she decided to quietly let him do what he was doing. 

“Look there. The sun has come to witness our wedding and offer us blessings!”

Her jaw dropped at his words. Wedding? What was he saying? Oh damn! Her confusion died the moment he threw the note in the fire and began the first round around the fire in which the existence of his harsh words was burning.

I promise to stay by your side no matter what. Even in the moments of conflict, you would never hear me say that you add to my problems. Even when you will have weak moments when you’ll doubt that – I’ll remind you that… you, Apurva… are the solution to my every problem. 

He turned to glance at her as they finished the first round. Visibly astonished, she was still struggling to be with the overwhelming emotions that he was evoking within her.

He picked the next note and left it to die in the fire. 

I promise to take care of your wishes and desires. You wanted me to be with you at the farmhouse and even though I couldn’t admit – I wanted to come along too. Why I was so bummed out the previous night! I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from you for two days but I had already denied coming so… Had I joined you or at least postponed the plan till my work eased up a bit – you wouldn’t have needed to lie to call me there. 

Her hold on his hand tightened as she went back to the farmhouse day again. He covered her hand with his other hand, patting it to assure her that – that day would never repeat itself. He wouldn’t allow it. 

He continued the note-destroying process. 

I promise to protect your heart at every expense and never allow anyone to make it feel that it is not good enough. Not even myself. I had asked you to tell me one quality that can make me love you and you couldn’t but today I can tell you ten qualities that make me feel for you what I haven’t felt for anyone else. 

He stopped for a moment after completing the third round when he felt his hand wet. He didn’t have to see what it was. He knew what it was even without turning back. He pressed his palm against her cheek for a long moment before continuing their wedding rounds. 

I promise to stay with you no matter what comes our way. I promise you that we’ll sort things out no matter how intense our arguments and fights get. I promise to never bring it over my lips again that I can’t stay with you regardless of how mad I may be at that moment. Mi kuthe janar nahi aani tula jau… denar nahi, Apurva.
(Neither will I go anywhere nor will I let you go, Apurva!)

His vow made her heart smile. One of her worst insecurities was losing him and when he eliminated the existence of that insecurity assuring her that she would have him forever no matter what – she couldn’t contain the serene calm that it brought to her. 

I promise to ask you, hear you out and not accuse you if something goes wrong. I promise to spend more time with you so that I can understand you better which will naturally make me trust you in certain things. The better I will understand you as a person, the more I’ll be able to see what you can do and what you cannot. Eventually, it should lead me to a point where I wouldn’t care who puts what proof in front of me – I would choose to trust you over them. It may take me some time though. I am not sure how much but I can’t force it, Apurva but I promise to stay by your side even when I might feel that you’re wrong. Would I be able to support you? Probably not but I will not leave you alone.

He stared at her pleasantly surprised orbs as he reached the last word of his fifth vow. Though she hadn’t uttered a word ever since they began the wedding rounds, he could see it in her eyes that she could feel his honesty. 

I promise to hold you in my heart as protectively as I hold my love for my work in it. The way I cannot stand anyone disrespecting my work, I promise not to let anyone disrespect you. Not even myself. I promise to take care of my words as much as I take care of the readings in my lab. I promise to be a better husband for whom protecting his wife’s heart would be the foremost priority.

Her eyes brimmed as she watched the paper note burning.

I promise to punish myself for every single time I made you feel that you don’t deserve me or I deserve better. In all honesty – that latter is something that I never considered. Not even the former. 

I may have felt that we weren’t right for each other but today… I would do anything to make you see that I cannot imagine holding anyone in my arms other than you. That I cannot imagine being anyone else’s teddy. That I cannot imagine playing lame pranks like the mathematician ghost on anyone other than you. That I cannot imagine wearing weird costumes to make anyone smile other than you. That I cannot imagine patting anyone to sleep other than you. Exceptions exist in this one though. I can surely imagine patting… our kids to sleep. 

I would do anything to make you see that I cannot imagine my life with anyone other than you, Apurva. 

She lowered her gaze, loosening the grip on his hand. Her blush brought a cheeky smile to his lips as he realized that the mention of their future kids was what painted her cheeks crimson. 

How adorable! He couldn’t decide if it was her shy eyes or blushing cheeks that evoked an insane urge to circle his hand around her waist, pull her closer, and let his lips tell the tales of his love. 

Getting a grip on herself, she cleared her throat. Letting go of his hand, she stepped ahead of him. She intertwined their hands again but still couldn’t meet his eyes after his confession. “Khadoos… even I want to make some promises today!” 

His lips slightly parted as he stood there, visibly stunned. He caught her small smile with her downcast eyes before she started walking around the fire, taking the first round and announcing her first vow.

Khadoos, I promise to watch what I say. You stayed till late at the institute that night because I had said that I was going to meet Krish. Could I have been able to stand if you said that you were going to meet Netra Tai? I know I couldn’t have. I promise not to utter such lies to you again. They’re not funny… I have come to understand that. 

He gazed at her, hoping she would look at him once but she didn’t which only widened his smile. Who knew his wife could be that shy at times? 

He was sure that she still had no idea how passionately he loathed Krish and why he did that. He could only wonder if she would ever see what she had turned him into. A ridiculously possessive husband who hated the existence of her ex-boyfriend like no other.

Khadoos, I promise to try and be less stubborn and more thoughtful. To tell you honestly… when Kukki had come up with the plan of faking being sick… I did tell everyone that you won’t like it. We just wanted you to be with us but… I shouldn’t have lied to you. You lost a big opportunity in your career because of me. I am sorry for that. I promise not to repeat it in the future. 

Hearing his wife acknowledging that she regretted that he had to miss out on an opportunity because of the lie that she had spoken warmed his heart like never before.  

The glimpse of her first step on the road to understanding the things that he was passionate about made him smile. 

I promise to try and sincerely study because… you want me to but… but, Khadoos, you have to promise me that you’ll teach me and give me treats, bring me chocolates and take me out when I do that. Deal? 

He laughed, nodding as she looked back at him for confirmation. “Deal!”

She began the fourth round with him. 

Ig

“Apurva,” he murmured, hearing her vow, “thank you!”

She blinked with a smile before starting the fifth round.  

Khadoos, I promise to always believe you over Netra Tai. I did it before also and I shall continue to do so. You do not know what all that she has said to me. Especially how you will go to her after we part ways after a year –

“We are never going to part ways. I am never going to let you go. You’ll stay mine. Forever. I’ll stay yours. Forever!” He cut her off in the middle, unable to resist the reassurance that his heart wanted to make.

She stared down at her hand in his hold, that he had placed on his heart. 

“Trust me on that, Apurva!”

“I do, Khadoos and I will!” 

I promise to make no jokes on studies that can upset you. I promise to respect your work. I promise to stand by your side, supporting your dreams even if I can’t really understand them. 

She let go of his hand only to wound her hand around his arm as she silently gestured to him that they would complete the last round by walking beside each other and not ahead or behind. 

Khadoos, we did get into this marriage based on a contract to set each other free after a year but I don’t care about that contract anymore. I don’t want to. Mala tula… aaplya family la sodun kuthehi nahi jaycha aahe. Na aata. Na ek varsha nantar. Khadoos… rahshi ka mazyasarkhya Shishta bayko cha navra banun? Aayushyabhar?
(I don’t want to go anywhere leaving you and our family. Not now. Not after a year. Khadoos, will you stay being this Shishta wife’s husband? For the rest of my life?))

They had completed the seventh round by the time she let that question find her voice. 

He was slightly taken aback by her confession. He wasn’t expecting her to bring to her lips what she just had. 

Even he would struggle to figure out if the glow on his face was gifted to him by the sunrays or her confession.  

Turning toward her, he took her hands in his as he knelt in front of her. “Apurva, Mala he jag tuzyasobat baghaycha aahe. He aayushya… tuzyasobat jagaycha aahe. From my first and every kiss to my first and every kid if at all we have more than one … I want it all with you, Apurva. I want it all with… you! Ya khotya khotya navryachi khari khari bayko banun tyala tuza khara khara navra banavshil?”

Her heartbeats were in a steady rhythm like never before.
Her eyes beheld him in them like never before.
Butterflies fluttered in her stomach like never before.
Her smile stayed glued to her lips like never before.

Like never before. 

He didn’t remember when he was that nervous last while waiting for an answer before in his life but the moment he caught her nodding her head, his happiness knew no bounds. 

He pushed himself to stand on his feet, pulling his wife in his embrace. As he circled his hands around her, he silently vowed to protect the woman in his arms from every harm. Even when the name of the harm would be Shashank Kanitkar! 

He would fight with himself if and when needed to protect her heart from every bruise and every scar. He had put her through a lot for no apparent reason but now he would put himself through anything and everything to make sure that she would stay untouched. Untouched by anything and everything that could hurt her in the slightest way. 

That was the promise that Shashank Kanitkar, the husband of Apurva Vartak Kanitkar made to himself that day while holding his woman in his arms.

“Khadoos.”

Her voice broke his reverie, making him break the hug and look at her. “Hmm?”

“When will we have our baby?”

“Haan?” His jaw dropped at her question. He dragged himself a step backward, adjusting his already adjusted glasses. “What?”

“Baby, Khadoos. When will we have our baby?” She repeated her question, presuming that he probably didn’t hear it. “You said you can imagine patting our kids to sleep, no? When will those kids come?”

His lips parted to say something but he sealed them back. He ruffled his hair, knowing that she probably had no idea what she was talking about. “Apurva… what do you know about the honeymoon?” He decided to test the water first before diving into it.

“A honeymoon is a honeymoon, Khadoos. Do you not know what a honeymoon is? We go somewhere to have fun. Majja, Khadoos. Aapan majja karto honeymoon var.” She strode toward him, smacking his arm. “Khup majja!”

“Tu thodi lamb raha aadhi,” he said, pulling himself away from her a little again. “Aani tya majjet kaay kaay yeta?”

She sharpened her gaze at him. “Tu asa ka vicharto aahe?” 

How the heck was he supposed to explain things to this woman? He vigorously rubbed his forehead. “Apurva, tell me something honestly. Is your biology also weak?” 

Shock deepened in her orbs. “Khadoos… how do you know?”

Watlach mala! He could only mentally facepalm himself. 

“But you know, Krish is a genius. Wait, I’ll go and ask him. But what am I supposed to ask? Never mind, I’ll ask him to make me an expert at biology. I want to do something for you. I am sure that I’ll be a genius in biology after learning it from Krish. I’ll go to him right now.” 

“NO WAY!” He screamed, curling his fingers around her wrist and pulling her onto him when she turned her feet around to leave. His hand snaked around her waist while her head fell on his shoulder. “You are going to ask him nothing, alright? In fact, you are not going to see him again. Even better, let’s ban his name,” he whispered in her ears.

She shivered when his lips brushed against her earlobe. She raised her head from his shoulder and pulled herself back just enough to look at him. “But you want me to learn biology, no? Who will teach me then?”

“I will!”

“Will you?”

He rested his forehead on hers while his hands stayed circled around her waist. “How did I get someone like you, Apurva? How did I get someone like you?” he murmured, lingering his lips on her forehead. 

“Let’s say you just got lucky?” She winked, giggling in his arms as he lifted her to twirl around. 

“I would like to agree to that, Mrs. Kanitkar. I would like to agree to that!”

Thiss one took me almost a month if I am not wrong. I had a great time writing this. I hope you had a good time reading as well.

Do share your reading experience in the comment section.
Any particular scene that you liked!
Any dialogues maybe!

I would love to hear your feedback! 🙂