“Main ruk jaau? Thodi der? Yaha baith jaau? Tumhare paas?“
He squeezed his eyes shut when she did not allow him a chance to speak as if she knew that he was going to refuse, and quietly sat beside him on the rock.
“Tumhe kaise pata -“
“Ke tum mujhe yaha miloge?” Cutting him off in the middle, she completed his question, unintentionally bringing more misery his way.
His hand clenched into a fist. The woman who understood his unspoken words when the world failed to grasp even his verbally spoken ones was sitting right beside him but still stayed miles away from him.
He could have still reached her had she not burned the bridge of his love by the fire of her silence. The silence that she had used as a weapon to defeat him when he was fighting for her, putting his everything at stake.
“Bas pata tha ye nahi bolungi! Thoda zada ho jayega na?”
Her small laugh blessed his ears, making his heart smile but he did not let it reach his face. He sat stern, pretending to be not even slightly affected by her.
“Dhoond liya ye keh sakti hoon. Ab kaise… wo mat puchna.”
“Alright.”
“Mujhe silent treatment de rahe ho?”
“Nah. Hone wali wife ki behen ko jaisi treatment dete hai waisi de raha hoon! Kyun, not liking it?”
She fell silent at the mention of his approaching wedding with Aarohi.
Stealing a glance at him from the corner of his eye when her voice did not grace his ears for several long seconds, he forced his eyes to the ground.
Where had life brought him? Or rather where had she brought him? She stayed the only woman other than his mother that he could destroy the whole freaking universe for and she was making him hurt the very same woman?
Could she really not see his shattered soul?
Could she really not hear his weeping heart?
Could she really not feel what she was putting him through? The tormenting suffering that was sucking the life out of him with every passing moment that was taking him away from her?
“Mujhe apna haath de sakte ho?”
He looked at her hand that she had held out in front of him. “Kyun? Ab kyun chahiye? Just in case you’ve forgotten, let me remind you. Tumhari aur meri… hum dono ki families ke saamne khade rehkar tumara haath maanga tha! Jab tab mera haath nahi tham paayi to ab kyun?”
Her gaze lowered as his words brought back the beautifully heartbreaking memories from the day when he had not just confessed but declared what place she held in his life.
The day when all that she could do was seal her lips when all that she wanted to do was linger her lips on his, assuring him that she had fallen in love with him as well. Probably not as deeply as he had though.
She wouldn’t dare to equate the intensity of their feelings for more than anyone else, she acknowledged that his love was far too passionate for her to match.
He couldn’t stop cursing himself when his rebellious heart went on a protest against his mind, and his hand slipped into hers.
Dammit! You suck, Abhimanyu Birla. You suck. He despised himself for being frustratingly helpless when it came to her. Her saddened orbs were all that he needed to keep aside his tormented emotions and give in to her every demand.
A faint smile graced her lips but her eyes glistened with a thin layer of tears in them. Despite trying her hardest to hold them back, a stubborn tear rolled down her cheek and fell on his palm.
Alarmed, his gaze shifted to his hand before he traveled it to her eyes. “Ak-Akshu, tum… ro kyu… Sorry,” he hurriedly shifted in his place toward her, “sorry, please, don’t cry!” His palm rose to cup her cheek but stopped inches away from her skin.
Did he have that right?
Tu fir galti kar raha hai! Tu fir galti kar raha hai! Clenching his fist, he pulled his hand to himself and tried to take back the one in her hold but the moment he tried to, her hold tightened on it.
This woman was going to drive him nuts. Neither he could stand her tears nor he could pull her in his arms and comfort her.
“Jaanti hoon ab shayad bohot… bohot der ho chuki hai lekin mujhe kuch kehna hai. Pata nahi tum yakeen kar bhi paaoge ya -“
“Kab yakeen nahi kiya hai maine tumhara?” His voice laced with bitter hurt made its way to her ears.
“Wahi to baat hai na, Abhi! Tum itni baar yakeen kar chuke ho aur main itni baar tod chuki hoon -“
“Main humesha tumpar yakeen karunga. Chahe jo ho jaaye! Chahe jo ho jaaye, Akshu.”
She smiled through her tears. Akshu had never sounded so endearingly calming to her before. Every single time he had been with her in her panic attacks, his mere presence had been strangely comforting to her anxious heart.
Securely holding his hand between her both hands, she brought it near her heart. “Socha nahi tha kabhi keh paaungi tumse lekin agar aaj nahi kaha to tumhe fir ek baar haarte hue dekhna hoga jo ab… mujhe manzoor nahi!”
“I have no idea what you’re trying to say!” Concealing the gleam of hope that her words had brought to him, he sat visibly unfazed.
“Tum special ho, Abhi. Mere liye, tum… bohot special ho. Uss din tumne mujhse pucha tha na… kya main kisi aur ke liye bhi aati? Mera jawab sahi tha because if it’s in my hands to protect someone from being wronged, I’ll do the needful par shayad wo adhoora jawab tha. Ek hota hai har kisi ke liye insaaniyat ka farz nibhana aur ek hota hai kisi ke liye har hadd cross kar jana jab kabhi use aapki zaroorat ho. Aur tum… second category mein aate ho!”
Kaha tha na maine! Main special hoon! His heart grinned at his brain which had ridiculed him all along for reading too much between the lines and hearing too much between her silences.
“Mujhe farq padta hai. Abhi. Padta hai farq! Sirf tumhare jeene-marne se nahi… tumhare hasne-rone se, tumhare gusse se, tumhari taqleef se. Tumse farq padta hai. Na main uss din tumhe aag me chhodkar gayi thi aur na kabhi jaaungi.”
Swallowing the lump that had clogged her throat when she began to pull curtains off one by one, she rested her chin on his hand.
“Tum jab bahar nahi aaye to tumhare liye aag me aane wali Aarohi nahi tumhari Akshu thi! Charo taraf lagi aag se zada jise tumhari band aakhein jala rahi thi wo Aarohi nahi tumhari Akshu thi. Tumhe aag se bahar lane wali… Aarohi nahi… tumhari Akshu thi! Aarohi ke jhooth ko badhava dene wali aur tumse sach chupane wali bhi… tumhari Akshu hi thi, Abhi.” His hand slipped off her trembling limbs as she tried to suppress her sob but brutally failed.
Too distraught to speak, he struggled to step out of the suffocating circle that her revelations had landed him in.
“I… deceived you by playing along with Aarohi!”
He heard her despondent self confess.
“Aaru ki khushi mere liye humesha apni khushi se upar rahi hai aur aaj bhi hai lekin main samajh hi nahi paayi… jab tum uss se pyaar hi nahi karte to wo khush kaise rahegi tumhare saath? I swear, I didn’t wish for the pain to find your address but I ended up gift-wrapping it for you. Main selfish hoon, Abhi. Aaj bhi yaha isiliye hoon kyunki main selfish hoon. Pehle apni behen ke liye thi. Ab tumhare liye hoon. Uski khushi dhoondte dhoondte pata nahi tumhe kitni taqleef de baithi. Ab tumhari khushi dhoondte dhoondte khud ko taqlerf dena chahti hoon.”
Curling her fingers, her nails dug into her skin as she made a furious attempt to control the tremors that had come to visit her for yet another time. Her heart had begun to race and she could see herself on the verge of a panic attack.
His silence acted as the trigger to her anxiety and the next thing she knew was that she was out of breath. She lost the grip on herself and her shaking body slipped from the rock but before she could touch the ground, her shoulders were gripped.
“Akshu ” he whispered, kneeling on the ground while securely holding her to himself.
“Ab-bhi, I’m… sor -“
“Shh, Shh,” his palm rose to cup her cheek, as he carefully lay her head on his shoulder, “relax. Just relax.”
Quickly making her sit with the support of the rock, he sat in front of her. Taking her hands in his soft grip, he gave them a light squeeze to draw her attention toward him.
“Just look at me and follow my breathing pattern. Slow and deep.” Inhaling a slow breath, he waited for her to reciprocate but she could not.
Her heart began to pound as her chest grew tight.
“Tum kar sakti ho, Akshu. Tumne har baar kiya hai. Aaj bhi kar sakti ho.”
She fisted his shirt, as her head fell onto his shoulder.
Slipping his hand around the back of her head, he protectively held her to himself until she could hum a tune.
It had taken several long minutes for her breathing to return to normal. She opened her eyes upon feeling something moist in her hair. Her senses jolted awake when she looked at his hands which still stayed wrapped around her.
“Ab-hi.. “
Her feeble voice had him pull apart just enough so that he could gaze at her face and reassure himself that she was alright.
Tucking a lock of her hair behind her ears, he leaned forward to linger his lips on her forehead before hiding her in his embrace again.
That night, Abhimanyu Birla silently vowed to himself that he would shield his woman from everyone including her sister.
“Bas,” he whispered, rubbing her back when she sobbed against his chest. “Bohot hurt kar liya tumne apne aapko. Ab bas.”
*
Ain’t a regular viewer. Have watched not more than a couple of episodes so most likely, I might not have gotten the characters that well. This is an old piece. I had happened to see the Ab Hua Bas, Ye Hua Bas scene on Instagram and couldn’t resist the urge to quickly pen down something.
Thank you for reading!