Five Times Shashank Kanitkar’s Monologues Made Us Smile – Thipkyanchi Rangoli

“Hya mulila olakhnyat chukloy ka mi? Var var Shishta watnari hi Appu manane evadhi halvi asel asa watla navta. Bichari. Aai chya mayeshivay itki varsha kashi kadhli astil ine? Mi tar Aai pasun lamb rahnyacha vichar suddha karu shakat nahi. Agadi aaj suddha.” ( Episode 25 )

His heart would someday weep for Apurva Vartak wasn’t something that Shashank Kanitkar had ever thought about but her breakdown was too heartbreaking and intense to not feel.

The flames of the demonic fire of her past that she was burning in not just reached him but were also threatening to pull him into that fire. The fire that was quite scary for him to even imagine standing close to, let aside actually letting it burn him!

Something that Shashank Kanitkar had generously received in life was – his family’s love and affection. Especially from the Kanitkar women but it wasn’t until he stood in front of Apurva Vartak’s heartbreaking longing for her mother that he realized how truly grateful he needed to be in life for having received motherly warmth from not just one but four women in his life.

He did not like this girl. That still remained a fact but another fact that joined the list was that he couldn’t resist but hate what she had been through.

He had a strange urge to walk up to her and offer her his handkerchief and sit beside her in absolute silence for he knew that words wouldn’t stay by his side like always. And he stayed afraid that anything that he might say would lead her to misunderstand that he was pitying her.

Suppressing the urge of wanting to just sit beside her was getting tougher than he had expected. Beside her. With her.

Despite knowing that it would change nothing.

Despite knowing that it would not lessen her pain. Not even a bit. 

Despite knowing that he might not even be able to console or comfort her.

Despite it all – his heart did wish that it had the liberty to stay close to her heart that it could feel the pain of.

Behind the mask of an egoistic girl that he hated, the glimpse of the vulnerable kid who had longed for her mother all her life that he witnessed that night twisted something in his heart.

Apurva Vartak definitely hasn’t had a rosy childhood and he had no idea why that realization pricked his heart.

ह्या मुलीला ओळखण्यात चुकलोय का मी?
वाटली होती शिष्ट जी, खरच आहे का अपूर्वा ती?

“Apurva aajari aslyacha samajlyapasun tila bhetavasa watatay. Ka? Nahi nahi. Tasa… tasa kahi nahi. Tasa kahi nahi. Mi tila baghayla jataoy te keval ek formality mhanun. Baki kahi nahi. Baki nahi.” ( Episode 45 ) 

Apurva Vartak happened to be the woman Shashank Kanitkar claimed to dislike as passionately as possible but when the news reached his ears that the same woman had fallen sick, his heart couldn’t not get upset, worried and concerned – all at the same time. 

She had hurt her hand at his place just the previous day and even that sight hadn’t been too pleasant for him either. Though he had refused to be a part of the cake cutting after their verbal spat that he had gotten quite used to by then, his feet dragged him back when he heard her scream. 

He wasn’t sure what had happened. Knowing Apurva Vartak’s strange obsession with screaming and talking in a loud pitch for no apparent reason, he hadn’t let his thoughts wander too far but he couldn’t totally ignore what his ears heard either. 

He had come out because his idiot heart wouldn’t sit in peace without making sure that everything was okay – scratch that – she was okay but the moment he caught sight at the front, he had rushed to her. 

Despite the fact that his entire family was right there where each one was capable of tending to her wound, he knelt in front of her to dress her hand and he did that way more carefully than he had ever handled his own injuries. 

Did he himself know that he could be that gentle or was it just Apurva Vartak who just somehow got him inexplicably protective toward her?

He worshiped his work but the mere imagination of a sick Apurva hadn’t really let him put his entirety into his work like how he preferred doing it. 

He was distracted by the distraction he never saw capable of distracting him. The distraction named Apurva Vartak. 

He could comfort himself by coming up with as many excuses as he wished but the universe knew the truth… his heart knew the truth… we knew the truth – regardless of how indifferent he may act when it came to her, Shashank Kanitkar had grown to care about Apurva Vartak just enough to get unsettled if she wasn’t okay. 

ती तर मला आवडत सुद्धा नाही,
का मग तिला बरं नसल्याचं ऐकून तिला भेटल्याशिवाय रहावत पण नाही. 

“Maza Apurva var prem nahiye asa yanna watatay. He jar khara asel tar ti ashi radat gelyacha mala dukkha ka hotay? Hi mulgi jar eka varsha nantar ithe rahnarach nasel tar mazya tichya baddalchya bhavna tila dakahavnyat kay artha aahe? Mhanun mi tichya samor jara jast strong rahnyacha prayatna kartoy. Pudhchya varshi tila first class milala tar ti nakkich mala sodun jail. Aani tila jar mazya barobar rahaychi icchach nasel tar tila first class nahi milala tari mi tila ya bandhanatun mokla karel. Tya bichari ne tichya icche viruddha mazyasobat aayushya ka dhaklaycha? ( Episode 80 )

Shashank Kanitkar had thought that nobody understood Apurva Vartak like he did – especially his family who he could never fathom why showered her with overwhelming affection. 

After all, who was even Apurva Vartak? 

A spoiled brat who had no aim, no ambition in her life? 

An over-pampered daughter of a rich father who he was sure never had to spend even a minute without an air-conditioner? 

A childish girl who he was sure wouldn’t make his ideal wife who could adjust to his family and home environment? 

That was precisely how Shashank Kanitkar saw Apurva Vartak until that day when he caught a profound sadness in her orbs after he blasted her for the ruckus that her mother had created at their place. 

But once she confessed that she had no involvement in the whole matter, he had to step back, realizing that he had judged her wrong.  

He couldn’t let her see his remorse though. He had to keep the mask of the harsh indifference on for Apurva Vartak wasn’t allowed to see that his heart was softening for her. 

Apurva Vartak was absolutely not allowed to see that her tears had started affecting him. 

Once she left and he sat back, pondering over her reactions, he couldn’t help but see how deeply everything that he said had affected her. Probably because this time, it wasn’t about him and her but rather about his family and her. 

He contemplated if he crossed the line. He contemplated if he shouldn’t have made that sarcastic request to her to not hurt his family in this one year that she was going to spend with them. 

If there was something that Shashank Kanitkar was a hundred percent sure about other than Apurva Vartak’s dislike for him then it had to be Apurva Vartak’s genuine and limitless love for his family.  

How could he attack that? 

As Sumi commented how she didn’t feel that he loved Apurva even a bit, he couldn’t resist wondering – did he really not? 

Because if that was the truth then he was supposed to feel nothing when she walked out, crying but forget indifference, all that he was left with was evident turbulence. 

Why would his heart ache for her if he had no feelings for her? 

Regardless of what he deliberately made Apurva Vartak and his family feel, there was something strangely fascinating about the woman he was getting married to. Something that he couldn’t resist wanting to explore but he had to get a grip on his emotions because if not, then he was going to land himself in a miserable land named Tormenting Heartbreak because Apurva Vartak wasn’t here to stay. Just one year and she would be gone from his life forever.  

It was beyond him to let her see his feelings that could emotionally manipulate her into staying with him even after their contract was over. 

He couldn’t cheat her.

He had promised to let her go after a year and he had to stick to it even if it meant spending the rest of his life silently longing for her. 

माझं अपूर्वावर प्रेम नाही आहे असं वाटतय यांना,
जर शब्दांची कटुता ऐकायला येते तर डोळ्यातली काळजी का नाही दिसत सगळ्यांना?

“Apurva Netra baddal tichya vadilanna sahaj sangu shakat hoti pan tine tasa kela nahi. Sarika Aatyansathi ti gappa basli asnaar aahe. Swatacha apamaan visrun hi Sarika Aatyanchya bhavnancha vichaar kartey. Mothi goshta aahe. Kharach… mothi goshta aahe.” ( Episode 124 ) 

It had taken him quite some time to actually let it sink in that Apurva could be that mature to keep aside her humiliation for the sake of her Atti’s happiness but he was quick to realize that he should have known it. He had been a witness to it before as well but seeing it for yet another time had to warm his heart, especially after the kind of unacceptable insults Netra had thrown at her. 

He seldom intervened in matters that were not his to deal with and it was against his nature to talk between his wife and her cousin whose relationship was still strange to him but he couldn’t help but wonder for a fleeting moment if he should have intervened. At least he could have protected his wife’s eyes which couldn’t stop shedding tears. Watching her cry had started to affect him a lot more than he had the liberty to express. 

He certainly wasn’t of the kind to let anyone walk away after having insulted him. Shashank Kanitkar wasn’t capable of dealing with it so admiring his wife who did it so effortlessly had to come to him as naturally as possible.  

He hadn’t forgotten how Apurva had dealt with Netra even after she slapped her. Couldn’t she have hit Netra back? Of course, she could have. Couldn’t she have verbally abused Netra back? Of course, she could have but did she do that? 

He still wondered what it must take to justify yourself even without any fault of yours like Apurva had done that night. She had asked Netra to take care despite everything that Netra had done. 

He wasn’t sure if he was capable of that kind of patience upon being treated as unacceptably as Netra had treated Apurva all along. 

Apurva Vartak had made him update his list of the people whose qualities impressed him. 

The latest addition was – Apurva Vartak who could swallow any and every humiliation for her people.  

स्वतःचा अपमान विसरून दुसर्‍यांच्या भावनांचा विचार करते ही बायको माझी,
सतत बालिश वाटणारी ही शिष्ट अपूर्वा कशी काय कधी कधी होते समंजस अशी!

“Hi mazi bayko vedi ka khuli, mala… mala mahit nahi. Pan ichya nishpaap vagnyane ti itaranna ticha ved lavte he nakki. Apurva chya manaat kapat nahiye. Aani mhanunach aaj maza akkha kutumb tichya talavar aanandane nachtay. Shashank Kanitkar… wait wait wait. Apurva chya baabtit halva hotoys tu. Virghaltoy. Pan ila sambhalna tevdha sopi nahi aahe. Kadhi mau vagun tar kadhi kathor houn mala ya dhyanachi kalji ghyavi lagnaar aahe.” ( Episode 124 )

Wait, Shashank Kanitkar, wait. What the heck is wrong with you? Have you forgotten that even though she is your wife, she is still off-limits? His brain had been trying to give him a wake-up call for a while now but his heart – his oh-so-not-in-control heart hadn’t been willing to hear anything that didn’t include praises of Apurva Vartak Kanitkar. 

Shut up. Don’t even bring your stupid logic here. Moreover, this is not your place to speak. You need to open your mouth only when you’re with your so-called colleague, Netra Desai. You can understand her with your logic. Understanding Apurva Vartak Kanitkar is beyond you so don’t even try.  His heart often wondered – why did his stupid brain have to exist? It was just… too stupid for his liking. 

Yeah right. Understanding her is beyond me but you understand her like you’ve known her for ages, no? Idiot! His brain wished that it had a leg to kick his idiot heart that seemed too high on the drug named Apurva Vartak Kanitkar to see things rationally.  

Of course, I do because I don’t have an ego like you do. I have no shackles of rationality holding me back like you do. I just… feel. It allows me to see people for who they really are and Apurva Vartak Kanitkar stays the only woman who makes me feel what she does. I am not too sure but she gives me… the soul mate vibe His heart had already left to wander in the lanes of Apurva Vartak Kanitkar to hear and bother about what his brain had gotten to say in response.  

Soul mate vibe, I see. Just wait for a few days and then see where this soul mate vibe lands you… erm, have you heard about the miserable land named Tormenting Heartbreak? That’s where you’re headed, Buddy. That’s where you’re headed to! 

His brain shut up, knowing that his heart wasn’t around to hear its words of wisdom anyway. 

It was too busy adoring the hypnotizing innocence of Apurva Vartak Kanitkar that it had already fallen for. 

स्वतःच्या निष्पाप वागण्याने ती इतरांना लावते तिचं वेड,
खेळून का बघून एकदा कसा असतो हा प्रेमाचा खेळ?